First of all, the haters who tell you that you need to get over someone are wrong. Obsession is our quiet expertise. Nobody has to know that you know every single place that one person goes. Somebody, besides the government should know where that one person goes. Volunteering that information to you willingly would be a dangerous practice for this one person that you know everything about. So it's better to just learn that information on your own with the help of a private investigator or a few hackers on the internet. But if you've decided to get over your muse, then here's a quick and easy method for doing just that.
1. My life feels destroyed, so now yours will too.
So this title pretty much speaks for itself. You/I already know everything about the person that shattered your world and crushed your heart. Therefore, you already know how to wreck this person's life. She goes to her favorite camping spot, you bring your best big foot impression to that camp site. She goes to the grocery store to pick up more kale, you poison the kale. All of the kale, go to the source. Whatever far away land makes kale, go there and poison the kale. If she survives the poison, recovers and then decides to go to the lake to jog, you drive the nearest white rape van that you can find. You don't put her in the van, you just pull alongside her and stare as she quietly panics.
2. Get Help
So yeah most plebs will talk to friends, confide in a mental health professional or will just drink the problem away. All of those things are technically options but I recommend you stay entirely alone. Building a shrine is a perfectly rational thing to do when you feel like you have nobody to turn to. Because you don't have anyone to turn to. But once your shrine is finished, you'll always be able to turn to ...Julia...sweet Julia. My Julia. Erm, well anyway yeah, your shrine should be whoever...it should be. You can break into her house and steel mundane objects from her bathroom, night stand and coffee table. These are the easiest possessions to notice when they aren't there. Her thoughts about those objects being gone will fuel the spirit energy that your shrine will summon.
3. Never Admit That You're Hurt
Blast heavy metal music channel on Pandora every second of every day. Never stop. I don't care what your data overages look like, find a way around that. You must go deaf to the sound of electric guitar riffs and thundering drums. You will only wear black clothing and you will not fucking smile. I don't care if you win the lottery. Do not smile and never admit what is bothering you. Everyone that asks you what is wrong should be astonished at the level of rudeness that you employ in your response. Your new primary means of communication is to grunt, snarl and swear.
4. You Haven't Lost Them, They Aren't Dead...Yet
Understand that if you give them space enough to re-evaluate what you mean to them, they might decide that the distance between you two is too much. They might re-establish contact and try to renew the relationship. But none of this will happen if you freak out too much. Keep the shrine on the way down low, you'll sink your chances if they learn anything about that. Don't say anything about their private life to their face that hasn't already been revealed to you by them. We might have 8 terabytes of information pertaining to the mundane details of how they spend their time but letting them in on that is gonna be a big deterrent to the restoration of your relationship.
So obviously this is all just a big joke. Which is why you clicked on the comedy apprentice. I am thankful that you did and I hope that you got a few good laughs from this piece. If you are having trouble with a break up maybe this could help https://bit.ly/2TLH7oc. Get some help and be well. Also come back and talk some shit to me about my click bait title.
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