1. Recent dating polls have put consensual sex with an origami expert as the least desirable sexual outcome. 2nd place? Getting Raped.
2. More and more people are reporting struggles with health anxiety. Close behind is a fear of needles and the perfectly rational fear that your penis may never returning after the extreme shrinkage experienced during an examination.
3. Aaron Hernandez, the former Patriot star tight end and murderer was found to have had the worst case of brain damage ever found in a man his age. Teammates and coaches always marveled at the brilliance of Hernandez's physical attributes and his mental mastery of the game. If a man with severe brain damage can still be a smart football player, well then they are just as dumb as we all thought.
4. Workplace improvement organizations are ceasing operations in 2020 en masse. One representative of the industry cited that "Without exception, everybody hates work and wants go back home." The only man in their case study that was found to not hate work was a man named Billie Woowoo who doesn't fucking exist. "Yeah we made up Billie for fun one day. We each had a couple margaritas at lunch. Probably the best day I worked in this business."
No comments:
Post a Comment