So I dated this girl once who was really into calligraphy. By dated I mean we had sex twice, then she stopped answering my texts. By texts I mean dick picks. This broad was strict. She ate at the same times every day. She planned her clothes out a week at a time. She had really strong beliefs about what calligraphy should and shouldn't be. Our sex wasn't like the improv jam sessions that I prefer. It was more like a scheduled humping and spooning appointment. I think she set timers for both the humping and spooning.
To her credit, I could have really gotten used to that. There was a great deal of stability to it. Our only problem it seemed to me, was that she was obsessed with something, and wanted me to be that way too. But I just couldn't be into calligraphy. Calligraphy is basically making art of writing something, so I respect it. Mostly because it looks really difficult and it take forever to do. But I also respect plumbers, line cooks and long distance runners. None of those things are things that I will ever be. The only time you will see me making highly decorated words is if you have recently taken LSD. I'll probably also tell you to listen to the whispers of the stag beetles or something like that.
She loved her work so she had some screen print one of her designs onto a t shirt for her. I don't have skills like that, so if drew something and then had it put on a shirt, people would think that I was the doting father of a 2 year old. What I really wanted to show this girl was some tenderness. She was so robotic and planned in her every move. I wanted to surprise her with some holding and caressing. But with her there was a time and place for everything.
When the time was up, I might as well hold and caress her Vladmir Putin plush doll that she kept on her sofa at all times. She never explained the Putin doll, it was just there almost in the same way that I was just there. So I did cuddle it a bit. You can't judge me for that, the place was icy and devoid of emotion. I had to express my caring side somehow. I asked him how his country was, talked about his horses and inquired about his P90x results. He seemed to be doing good.
I don't miss this chick or Calligraphy. I do kind of wonder how Vlad is doing. She didn't end up being my girl or somebody that I'll ever see again most likely. But I'm glad she exists. She was driven and purposeful. She was very practical in all of her choices and motivations. She probably replaced me with someone that has an education or something like that. Maybe even a sex ed teacher for all I know. So should I have to care about Calligraphy? Well I should have if I wanted to retain this woman. I should have at least faked it if I wanted her to stick around. Maybe I could have been the global warming to her ice caps. Except minus all the dying polar bears.
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