Today I've got some updates for you and a general summary of the news. From the Council of Matters Pertaining to Gloom and or Doom, the best way to be kind to yourself during terminal illness? Suicide. The best way to be kind to yourself during chronic illness? Talk to a therapist, take your meds and remember that the world has turned it's back on you. High profile criminals in isolation chambers that get blasted into space for the rest of the galaxy to deal with are not as alone as you are. Also, mindfulness can help to put things into perspective, such as your unyielding solitude.
The biggest math convention in the world just wrapped up in Dayton, Ohio on Saturday. The event proved once and for all that even if nobody sees the event happen, it did still happen. One would think that this development will shed more light on falling trees in the woods and the sounds that they make.
Iran came clean about shooting down a Ukrainian plane full of Iranians and Iranian-Canadians. Their prior stance was "Nuh uh." Upon learning that the plane was full of Iranians and Iranian-Canadians Minister of Terrorist Activities, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei admitted "ah fuck...well...probably all infidels anyway."
President Trump warned Iran to stop killing their protesters. My gender fluid, white neighbor who is pursuing a BFA in pottery and already has over $100,000 in student loan debt believes that this is a bit too judgmental on Trump's part as he has in fact said rude things about women in the past.
"Am I an alcoholic?" is the number one search phrase for first time dramatic underage drunk teenagers and Barefoot guzzling basic bitches in college. The least likely to search the phrase? Homeless drunks on the side of the road.
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