One thing you'll have to come to terms with when it comes to FREE MONEY is that obtaining money for free is a crime called theft. It's a sad thing to be honest, I'd love to show you where the free money grows. This way we could all roll it up and smoke it because it would be worthless at that point. Money is something you're paid in exchange for your professional skills and application thereof over a period of time. I just made that up based on what I think it is and I'm not going to Google it to make sure that I'm not stealing it. I mean, come on who really gives a fuck if two people have to same general definition of what payment is?
One thing to think about when it comes to payment is how fucking useless some skill sets are that people get paid for. If the best I could do was working the drive-thru at Wendy's then you better believe that I would be a rent-a-friend on the side. I might still become a rent-a-friend anyway. I'd make my personality so irresistible that everyone in town would hire me to hang out and let me walk their dogs and all kinds of shit. This is how you get money, and it's not free. Payment is something that is earned and that's pretty much all there is to it. More observant readers will note that there is more to this post and I assure you, it's well worth it to keep on reading.
Theft is a bit of a bitch move. Okay it's a huge bitch move because it shows that you aren't willing to work. How about we call this "Aimless bum can't hit the shitter." That might imply a sentient, separate entity from the human just walking around trying to find the toilet. Poop jokes really aren't my thing. How about "Unemployed man relapsed in his couch addiction." This one is because some people will make any excuse for why they won't get the fuck up and go back to work in order to earn some pay.
Sometimes people won't work because there isn't any work available to them. In those moments, you double your efforts in looking for work or start your freelancing career. Let's call it "Ambitious free-lancer will impale anyone." Now I'm imagining the same bum from earlier, not the sentient butt monstrosity but the guy addicted to the couch. He's went to the trouble of putting on a knight helmet and some sweat pants and goes around attacking people with a lance. What a fucking loon. Now imagine if it's all the same entity, butt monstrosity knight helmet and lance. This is perfect for my B-movie thriller that I have to write sometime before I die.
Now maybe you're furious that I click-baited you with this title, but I'm saving your life here. You don't want to go to jail my friend. If you're the kind of person that is willing to commit a crime to get your money for free but your only means for figuring that plan out is to look online, then you're in need of some assistance, one way or another. Thankfully, this isn't the dark web. Which means that obviously I'd be trolling you and not actually outlining how to steal.
You might sometimes get free money as a gift from your family or significant other. Maybe they can't think of what to get you on some gift giving occasion and they opt for money. This is the only circumstance in which money is free. Stealing, which is what the title of this post and the intent behind searching something like this is not free. You have to invest tons of time into planning the theft so that nobody ever finds out. The only thing is, somebody totally will find out. They always do, every time.
Committing a theft wastes your time and energy that could have gone into the building of something special in your own life. Deciding to opt for free money is an opportunity cost that you cannot afford. It's a cost that nobody can afford and one that the prison system wants to charge people for as much as possible.
So here's the kicker, sometimes you can legally get free money. This comes in the form of grants for all kinds of things online. This is an American thing so I don't know about the rest of the world but if you're American you might qualify. The website where you'll apply is something I'll leave to you to find out. I already saved your life earlier, I mean come on, how much greater can content be after something like that? You can also get free money from fafsa if you're going to college. This is only if you qualify for financial aid which has to do with your taxes and your parent's taxes and a bunch of other shit.
Now we've come to the segment of the show/blog post where I get a bit philosophical. I'm well aware that nobody gives a shit about what a community college drop out thinks about philosophy which is why I'm going to keep going anyway. When you take money that is given out for free, like grants and fafsa and all that shit, it's the government's money right? So who cares, fuck the government am I right? Wrong. The government has our money. We pay them to do nothing basically. Your hard working parents, family and friends have made it so that the government can contribute the grants and "free money" for kids in college.
What I'm getting at is that the money isn't free. Take it seriously because it's supposed to improve your life by helping you get an education. Unfortunately, I didn't do that when I was in college. I wish I would have understood back then how hard you have to work to make it and how much a good education can change someone's life. But I didn't understand because I didn't have the experience. If you're as young now as I was then, then you probably won't either and this post won't do anything to change that. But at least you kind of got your answer to How to get FREE MONEY. Thanks for reading and I'll see you on the next one, Cheers!
Jokes: 9 Short Jokes to Avert Your Eyes from the Abyss
Technology is reliable when you don't need it to work. Kind of like your dad.
Absent-minded skeleton still looking for his brain.
Woman with the most sore hands in the world addicted to responding to spam emails.
Callous nurse no longer handing out suckers for being a big boy. Doesn't add up because I'm a way bigger boy than the last time I got a sucker at the doctor's office.
Mindfulness- Wasting time in the name of good health.
Prisoner ready to break up with chains, finds them too clingy.
Gruff stoner chick proud of her hairy pits, finding little success on Tinder.
Proud arsonist takes too many smoke breaks.
Hedonistic monk found eating a protein bar and drinking a juice box during meditation hour.
This here is your short jokes for the day baby. That is unless I decide to do something extra on this day, something unplanned and unforeseen. Maybe I'll post 222 jokes about short people. Or, I might release the long awaited 712 jokes about being tall. NO.WAIT. I'll release my 10,023 knock-knock jokes for the elderly list! Actually, none of that exists and I'll be honest with you, that'd probably kill me to write that many jokes about dumb shit.
You already know we do short jokes, dark jokes and dark humor up in this bitch. Tell me a darker joke than the one on here about Nurses who don't reward you for being a big boy? I just went to the doctor a while back and not only did the nurse and doc have no new jokes for me, they didn't give suckers or kites. It's a travesty honestly. See you on the next one, cheers!
Absent-minded skeleton still looking for his brain.
Woman with the most sore hands in the world addicted to responding to spam emails.
Callous nurse no longer handing out suckers for being a big boy. Doesn't add up because I'm a way bigger boy than the last time I got a sucker at the doctor's office.
Mindfulness- Wasting time in the name of good health.
Prisoner ready to break up with chains, finds them too clingy.
Gruff stoner chick proud of her hairy pits, finding little success on Tinder.
Proud arsonist takes too many smoke breaks.
Hedonistic monk found eating a protein bar and drinking a juice box during meditation hour.
This here is your short jokes for the day baby. That is unless I decide to do something extra on this day, something unplanned and unforeseen. Maybe I'll post 222 jokes about short people. Or, I might release the long awaited 712 jokes about being tall. NO.WAIT. I'll release my 10,023 knock-knock jokes for the elderly list! Actually, none of that exists and I'll be honest with you, that'd probably kill me to write that many jokes about dumb shit.
You already know we do short jokes, dark jokes and dark humor up in this bitch. Tell me a darker joke than the one on here about Nurses who don't reward you for being a big boy? I just went to the doctor a while back and not only did the nurse and doc have no new jokes for me, they didn't give suckers or kites. It's a travesty honestly. See you on the next one, cheers!
The Answers: What Does Amos Mean?
I'm going to tell you what Amos means, just as soon as I can determine what the heck your question is really referring to. Amos as a name is a guy from the bible. He had prophecies and he lived near Jerusalem. If you gave me a random, multiple choice test on all characters from the Bible where I would be guessing, and rest assured, they would be total guesses. What the profession of each character in the Bible was, I would guess every single time that the guy was either a fisherman or a shepherd. I'd be totally sunk if shepherd and fisherman were both options in the question. But this dude was a shepherd.
This seems like the kind of question that someone asks Google by accident though. I mean, how many people think Amos means something besides it being a name? Isn't it always capitalized? Amos also got his own book in the Bible, forgot to mention that earlier. The name in Hebrew means burden. This means that most of the people that I've worked with over the last few years should have been named Amos, male and female. Maybe they could have been name Amosina or something like that, I don't know.
So far, I've only found information linking the name Amos to the Bible and to Hebrew translation type stuff. I'm starting to believe that this really is the only thing that this can mean. People really are out there wanting to know more about Amos and I've mistakenly predicted that there could be more than meets the eye to this question. But, I'm going to keep looking for more stuff anyway because that's the Comedy Apprentice way baby.
I always feel the need to be more silly, so I searched for "Famous Amos" and what do you know, something came up. Always makes me so happy when I can find something on the internet quickly. This is because I grew up in the days of dial up. This was a time where you had to plan your searches to be something critical that you must know for the completion of homework or something stupid that your parents wanted you to look up for them. Operating the computer and fixing the VCR where pretty much my part-time jobs from ages 9-12.
Anyway, this horrendous article came up on Wikipedia for Famous Amos cookies. I say horrendous because there are three citations on here about all the things the article lacks. I don't actually know if that's common or not, this might have been the first time I've ever noticed the needed citations thing. I'm not big on details unless it really, really matters. I love the font that they used for Famous Amos.
Says here that the guy who founded the company did so with money borrowed from Marvin Gaye and Helen Reddy. 25k in cold hard cash for this cookie company. It doesn't say anywhere on there that it was given in cash but I hope it was. The reason why he knew those big celebs is because he was a talent agent. He loved to bake cookies and send them out to possible clients in order to entice them into doing business. Nowadays, you'd have to run the cookies through a severe high level chemical testing trial before consuming them.
Apparently, Wally Amos as he was called loved baking cookies so much that he decided to start this company. His friends told him he should and he didn't seem to want to do the talent agent thing anymore so he borrowed the money and the whole thing took off. As with most depressing business tales, eventually it slowed down and ended up changing hands a bunch. Kellogg owned it for a while but now the guys who make Nutella own it. But at least it still exists. So, long live anybody named Amos, Amosina and the Famous Amos brand. I had no clue how to end this post so there ya go.
This seems like the kind of question that someone asks Google by accident though. I mean, how many people think Amos means something besides it being a name? Isn't it always capitalized? Amos also got his own book in the Bible, forgot to mention that earlier. The name in Hebrew means burden. This means that most of the people that I've worked with over the last few years should have been named Amos, male and female. Maybe they could have been name Amosina or something like that, I don't know.
So far, I've only found information linking the name Amos to the Bible and to Hebrew translation type stuff. I'm starting to believe that this really is the only thing that this can mean. People really are out there wanting to know more about Amos and I've mistakenly predicted that there could be more than meets the eye to this question. But, I'm going to keep looking for more stuff anyway because that's the Comedy Apprentice way baby.
I always feel the need to be more silly, so I searched for "Famous Amos" and what do you know, something came up. Always makes me so happy when I can find something on the internet quickly. This is because I grew up in the days of dial up. This was a time where you had to plan your searches to be something critical that you must know for the completion of homework or something stupid that your parents wanted you to look up for them. Operating the computer and fixing the VCR where pretty much my part-time jobs from ages 9-12.
Anyway, this horrendous article came up on Wikipedia for Famous Amos cookies. I say horrendous because there are three citations on here about all the things the article lacks. I don't actually know if that's common or not, this might have been the first time I've ever noticed the needed citations thing. I'm not big on details unless it really, really matters. I love the font that they used for Famous Amos.
Says here that the guy who founded the company did so with money borrowed from Marvin Gaye and Helen Reddy. 25k in cold hard cash for this cookie company. It doesn't say anywhere on there that it was given in cash but I hope it was. The reason why he knew those big celebs is because he was a talent agent. He loved to bake cookies and send them out to possible clients in order to entice them into doing business. Nowadays, you'd have to run the cookies through a severe high level chemical testing trial before consuming them.
Apparently, Wally Amos as he was called loved baking cookies so much that he decided to start this company. His friends told him he should and he didn't seem to want to do the talent agent thing anymore so he borrowed the money and the whole thing took off. As with most depressing business tales, eventually it slowed down and ended up changing hands a bunch. Kellogg owned it for a while but now the guys who make Nutella own it. But at least it still exists. So, long live anybody named Amos, Amosina and the Famous Amos brand. I had no clue how to end this post so there ya go.
Jokes: 8 Mostly Short Jokes About Politics and Gambling
Sympathetic gambler always donating to mismanaged Casino. Insists he is charitable and NOT addicted.
Bloomberg bows out of Presidential campaign to become ballerina. Cites an unyielding love of and desire to have sore feet.
I watched a short documentary on gambling addiction. The example they used was a guy who put himself through college with his blackjack winnings. That's not a gambling addict, that's a gambling expert. I'd buy his PDF manual for how to make a fortune at blackjack. Dude probably only did the documentary as marketing for his supreme level of skill.
There is a way to write that last entry as a short joke, but I don't know what it is.
Completing simple tasks with a computer simplifies your life. Attempting to master complex computer tasks inevitably leads you to the edge of an 11 story balcony.
If you are a semi pro gambler in your 40's and the head cook at Waffle House then you are a gambling addict.
Lying politician claims he was steadfast in denying the advances of the prostitute he later had killed via cash payment. Unfortunately, it was his role playing wife in disguise. "She was really good at that..." He later commented.
Elizabeth Warren ends her presidential bid and admits that running for president of the United States is really more of a hobby.
I'm going to call this post 8 jokes about blah blah blah, I don't know yet. There weren't as many dark jokes in this post. I consider gambling addiction to be pretty good grounds for dark jokes to be made. But there wasn't anything super extreme on my mind. That's really the driving force behind a good dark joke I think. Maybe not, I don't know. One of my favorite jokes that I've ever written is "BDSM chef prefers cream whipped." I had that flash into my mind as I was waking up one morning. I think that's the only time that has happened.
The joke about Bloomberg is nothing personal, I couldn't give a fuck less who runs the government. That kind of joke falls into the category of madcap. It's silliness on the level of Bugs Bunny and the three stooges type stuff. In other words, it's awesome. Plus, I'd say that joke falls into the irony category too because a tough, successful business man and politician would never be a ballerina at any point of his life. Same goes for a female at the same success level. Ballet is a pursuit so involving that you can't really accomplish anything else while you're doing it. Maybe not everyone knows that aspect of the joke but oh well. Thanks for reading and I'll see you on the next one, cheers!
Elizabeth Warren ends her presidential bid and admits that running for president of the United States is really more of a hobby.
I'm going to call this post 8 jokes about blah blah blah, I don't know yet. There weren't as many dark jokes in this post. I consider gambling addiction to be pretty good grounds for dark jokes to be made. But there wasn't anything super extreme on my mind. That's really the driving force behind a good dark joke I think. Maybe not, I don't know. One of my favorite jokes that I've ever written is "BDSM chef prefers cream whipped." I had that flash into my mind as I was waking up one morning. I think that's the only time that has happened.
The joke about Bloomberg is nothing personal, I couldn't give a fuck less who runs the government. That kind of joke falls into the category of madcap. It's silliness on the level of Bugs Bunny and the three stooges type stuff. In other words, it's awesome. Plus, I'd say that joke falls into the irony category too because a tough, successful business man and politician would never be a ballerina at any point of his life. Same goes for a female at the same success level. Ballet is a pursuit so involving that you can't really accomplish anything else while you're doing it. Maybe not everyone knows that aspect of the joke but oh well. Thanks for reading and I'll see you on the next one, cheers!
The Answers: What do I do to be Saved?
Before anyone asks, angrily emails me or yells at me in the street, no, my giving the answer to the question "What do I do to be Saved?" is not a joke. I am a Christian and I have love for all people as I'm supposed to. So, if you're of a different belief system than me then please do not be offended by this post. I'm merely trying to help out where there are people in need. According to my beliefs, I should do something like this in love, and I have. Whatever your beliefs, you are welcome on Comedy Apprentice and I hope you'll stick around to get laughs from my future jokes.
This is not my normal kind of subject matter or content. But I saw it in my keyword research for questions that people need answers to. I felt compelled deep down in my heart to write this post. The whole point of this series is to give real answers with jokes or give fake answers to silly/ridiculous things. As I said before, that's not what this is. There is nothing more important to me than my own salvation. I've been saved since I was 7 years old and though I've strayed many times and many ways, I still remember what you'll need to do. Here is my answer to "What do I do to be saved?".
Most people go to church for a while without feeling anything. That's totally normal and not something that you should immediately be worried about. After you've been there for a while or even if you haven't ever been to church, you start to experience a feeling called "being under conviction". I phrase it like that because that's how I've always heard it described and that's what I felt when I was going through this process.
Being under conviction feels awful. It's comparable to depression but not quite because there is an underlying fear that you will burn in Hell for eternity with conviction. You're in the state of conviction because you have through some means learned of your own sin. You realize that you're a sinner and that something must change in order for you to live well again and for you to go to Heaven.
When you get to this point it can be helpful to approach people that you know are saved, or those that have talked about it and would in all likelihood love to help. But, the process of getting saved is something that you can complete without the help of anyone but you and God. Here's how it goes, you kneel down and pray. In your prayer you must admit that you're a sinner and that without forgiveness you will go to Hell. You then profess that you believe that Jesus died on the cross and rose again for our sins and you ask him to come into your heart.
This prayer may go on for some time before you feel relief. Or, it could be instantaneous. I've heard plenty of different people describe it plenty of different ways but the end is always the same. You feel a sensation of relief that you will never be able to out do. There is no greater peace that will ever be laid on your heart than the one that you will receive once your prayer is answered. You might cry, you might laugh, you might cry while you're laughing. In the end, you'll be so thankful for your salvation that you won't know what to do with yourself.
Now you've come to the final step in the "What do I do to be saved?" equation. You go out and confess to the world what has happened to you. You tell everyone in your church family if you have one and you tell your friends and loved ones. By completing this process you've effectively allowed God to be the leader of your life and existence. Everything that happens after this moment will be challenging, rewarding all sorts of the things that make life into living. But you will always know in your heart of hearts where you will go when you die. Nothing is better than that. :)
This is not my normal kind of subject matter or content. But I saw it in my keyword research for questions that people need answers to. I felt compelled deep down in my heart to write this post. The whole point of this series is to give real answers with jokes or give fake answers to silly/ridiculous things. As I said before, that's not what this is. There is nothing more important to me than my own salvation. I've been saved since I was 7 years old and though I've strayed many times and many ways, I still remember what you'll need to do. Here is my answer to "What do I do to be saved?".
Most people go to church for a while without feeling anything. That's totally normal and not something that you should immediately be worried about. After you've been there for a while or even if you haven't ever been to church, you start to experience a feeling called "being under conviction". I phrase it like that because that's how I've always heard it described and that's what I felt when I was going through this process.
Being under conviction feels awful. It's comparable to depression but not quite because there is an underlying fear that you will burn in Hell for eternity with conviction. You're in the state of conviction because you have through some means learned of your own sin. You realize that you're a sinner and that something must change in order for you to live well again and for you to go to Heaven.
When you get to this point it can be helpful to approach people that you know are saved, or those that have talked about it and would in all likelihood love to help. But, the process of getting saved is something that you can complete without the help of anyone but you and God. Here's how it goes, you kneel down and pray. In your prayer you must admit that you're a sinner and that without forgiveness you will go to Hell. You then profess that you believe that Jesus died on the cross and rose again for our sins and you ask him to come into your heart.
This prayer may go on for some time before you feel relief. Or, it could be instantaneous. I've heard plenty of different people describe it plenty of different ways but the end is always the same. You feel a sensation of relief that you will never be able to out do. There is no greater peace that will ever be laid on your heart than the one that you will receive once your prayer is answered. You might cry, you might laugh, you might cry while you're laughing. In the end, you'll be so thankful for your salvation that you won't know what to do with yourself.
Now you've come to the final step in the "What do I do to be saved?" equation. You go out and confess to the world what has happened to you. You tell everyone in your church family if you have one and you tell your friends and loved ones. By completing this process you've effectively allowed God to be the leader of your life and existence. Everything that happens after this moment will be challenging, rewarding all sorts of the things that make life into living. But you will always know in your heart of hearts where you will go when you die. Nothing is better than that. :)
Jokes: 10 Short Jokes to Help You Decide the Short Joke of the Day
Man missing for almost 2 weeks found by Asheville police in jail. "Couldn't remember the last place we left him." -Sheriff
"How do concussions affect the brain?" asked one scientist with a hammer.
Man who believed himself invincible crashed through the front window of a bus he was driving and suffered no harm. Was originally thought to suffer from psychosis, now doctors are calling him superman.
I always click the most ridiculous news stories when I'm trying to write jokes. So now my news feed struggles to provide me with news stories that are fucked up enough for me.
High performers prone to fits of giggles and redness of the eyes.
Bigoted fluffy white bunnies found isolating themselves from colored bunnies.
Deranged biology major dreams of one day yanking the rotten teeth out of strangers.
Fearsome kittens viciously attack the hand that feeds them in show of dominance.
Promiscuous post man leaves love letters all around town.
Flirty prison guard always dangling the keys just out of reach.
Somewhere in this writing you'll find the short joke of the day. Although I never decide that for myself. I don't know which short joke people will think is the funniest. So, if you want to, you can comment what joke on this list you think should be the short joke of the day. I'd love to read that and it would help me to decide what short jokes on these posts I should be considering for t-shirts and clothing designs in the future.
If you want, you can still comment what the funniest part of my answers, shot glass thoughts and any of the older posts are. They wouldn't necessarily fit the format of the short joke of the day type stuff but I could keep those suggestions in mind for future projects. I look forward to reading what you guys think about my short jokes. Thank you for reading and I'll see you on the next one, cheers!
"How do concussions affect the brain?" asked one scientist with a hammer.
Man who believed himself invincible crashed through the front window of a bus he was driving and suffered no harm. Was originally thought to suffer from psychosis, now doctors are calling him superman.
I always click the most ridiculous news stories when I'm trying to write jokes. So now my news feed struggles to provide me with news stories that are fucked up enough for me.
High performers prone to fits of giggles and redness of the eyes.
Bigoted fluffy white bunnies found isolating themselves from colored bunnies.
Deranged biology major dreams of one day yanking the rotten teeth out of strangers.
Fearsome kittens viciously attack the hand that feeds them in show of dominance.
Promiscuous post man leaves love letters all around town.
Flirty prison guard always dangling the keys just out of reach.
Somewhere in this writing you'll find the short joke of the day. Although I never decide that for myself. I don't know which short joke people will think is the funniest. So, if you want to, you can comment what joke on this list you think should be the short joke of the day. I'd love to read that and it would help me to decide what short jokes on these posts I should be considering for t-shirts and clothing designs in the future.
If you want, you can still comment what the funniest part of my answers, shot glass thoughts and any of the older posts are. They wouldn't necessarily fit the format of the short joke of the day type stuff but I could keep those suggestions in mind for future projects. I look forward to reading what you guys think about my short jokes. Thank you for reading and I'll see you on the next one, cheers!
Shot Glass Thought: How to Quickly Prove You are a Basic Bitch Online
I'll level with you, I've never really enjoyed Facebook. Nowadays I use it exclusively for Search Engine Optimization purposes. I didn't enjoy it back when I first started using it in my early teens and I probably never will enjoy it. It just sucks. Tards that I knew in high school use the platform to advertise the pyramid scheme that they are currently helping out with.
I've even been one of those tards back in the day when I tried to supplement my income by selling Herbalife shit. But I was 19 and off my fucking nut. It's more understandable given those circumstances. These folks I read for about 2 minutes each day are in their 30's and 40's. People that I might have looked up to back in the day. These folks aren't doing shit with their life. They aren't chasing a dream or doing something that means something. They are just regular fucking people contributing nothing and that really kind of just tires me out.
The most sure fire way to quickly prove that you're a basic bitch online is to share some emotional, redemption story bullshit post that is 8,000 words of absolutely nothing worth reading. Because it's all made up and exists to market some fucking product. They are appealing to your emotions. If those things ask for donations then they are almost certainly scams. I don't know that for sure but you should take some serious considerations as to what you donate to online. I pretty much only donate to Wikipedia and that's only when they ask me once per year.
But yeah you're definitely a basic bitch and proud of it if you share one of those "guilt you into paying for something" posts. Most of the time when you try to make the world a better place in a large sweeping kind of way, you make the world worse. Look at welfare, it's a cancer on the people who really do need help. It's considered to be help, but it doesn't help. This is why I don't focus on saving the world from my keyboard. I save my money and work hard so that if I can do some good, I'll be able to.
This is the way that you can assist people, being available to help others that are around you. Don't think for one second that retweeting or clogging everyone's feed with your bullshit posts about mental health and poverty actually helps anyone. Most of the cunts, be they male or female that post about the tragedy of mental health issues would never listen to someone struggling so that they may feel a bit better. They share that bullshit online so that someone will see them sharing it and think "Wow, what a great person that is. I'm so glad for our brief acquaintance. Otherwise I might never have seen this moving post of total fucking bullshit."
In short, don't be a basic bitch online, help people that are around you when you can. Face to fucking face, not at your keyboard with a hoodie and yoga pants on and a half gone jug of fucking barefoot chardonnay. For the same price you could have drank a bottle of Martini and Rossi bubbly you fucking basic bitch.
I've even been one of those tards back in the day when I tried to supplement my income by selling Herbalife shit. But I was 19 and off my fucking nut. It's more understandable given those circumstances. These folks I read for about 2 minutes each day are in their 30's and 40's. People that I might have looked up to back in the day. These folks aren't doing shit with their life. They aren't chasing a dream or doing something that means something. They are just regular fucking people contributing nothing and that really kind of just tires me out.
The most sure fire way to quickly prove that you're a basic bitch online is to share some emotional, redemption story bullshit post that is 8,000 words of absolutely nothing worth reading. Because it's all made up and exists to market some fucking product. They are appealing to your emotions. If those things ask for donations then they are almost certainly scams. I don't know that for sure but you should take some serious considerations as to what you donate to online. I pretty much only donate to Wikipedia and that's only when they ask me once per year.
But yeah you're definitely a basic bitch and proud of it if you share one of those "guilt you into paying for something" posts. Most of the time when you try to make the world a better place in a large sweeping kind of way, you make the world worse. Look at welfare, it's a cancer on the people who really do need help. It's considered to be help, but it doesn't help. This is why I don't focus on saving the world from my keyboard. I save my money and work hard so that if I can do some good, I'll be able to.
This is the way that you can assist people, being available to help others that are around you. Don't think for one second that retweeting or clogging everyone's feed with your bullshit posts about mental health and poverty actually helps anyone. Most of the cunts, be they male or female that post about the tragedy of mental health issues would never listen to someone struggling so that they may feel a bit better. They share that bullshit online so that someone will see them sharing it and think "Wow, what a great person that is. I'm so glad for our brief acquaintance. Otherwise I might never have seen this moving post of total fucking bullshit."
In short, don't be a basic bitch online, help people that are around you when you can. Face to fucking face, not at your keyboard with a hoodie and yoga pants on and a half gone jug of fucking barefoot chardonnay. For the same price you could have drank a bottle of Martini and Rossi bubbly you fucking basic bitch.
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