The Answers: What Do Vegans Eat?

Vegans will not consume anything that comes from an animal. No meats and no dairy stuff. They eat strange combination foods that come from laboratories that specialize in making foods that resemble a real food item. There are such things as vegan burgers, but they are a Frankensteinian stitchings of beans, various grains and probably grass. Being a vegan is an ethical choice. They are standing up for the proposed right of animals to not have to be trapped and tortured into processes that feed people. Vegans are primarily standing up for the right to free speech, as they will freely tell anyone and everyone what they believe and why everyone else should believe it too. This has the unintended consequence of pissing off people and making you the estranged weirdo of your family. As far as I can tell, there doesn't seem to be any proof to support that a vegan diet is healthy. But if you're a scientist and you're not sure where you should specialize, maybe you should enroll in the vegan monster mash food items club near your local community wellness center and public garden. I go there for the naked body painting on Thursdays. There's nothing like having a bunch of smelly hippies rub paint all in my chest hair.