1. Recent studies conducted by the saddest researchers on Earth find that people who "bravely post" on social media about mental illness, actually care the least about it. Even falling behind Crips, Bloods and Neo Nazi's. All of whom at least acknowledged that they live a very stressful lifestyle which might lead to "A mufucka cracking."
2. Family and friends mourn the loss of social activist Phoebe Steele. Steele's mission in life was to make contact with isolated cannibal tribes and introduce them to modern world so that they could become lawyers and doctors and enjoy the many amenities of the modern world. Reportedly, minutes after making contact with the tribe leader she was brutally killed and eaten.
3. Archaeologists have come to the conclusion that the most fun thing that ancient man did was have sex, or if his woman wasn't in the mood, he would put on his reading glasses and crack open a good book for the evening. Nah, actually he would rape her with bits of under-cooked mammoth meat still clinging to his beard.
4. The Institute of Desperate Decision Making believes they have found a solution to an overly stressful and cluttered life. They recommend that you request less hours at work, sell all your worldly possessions and then drive yourself off a cliff after a Las Vegas gambling binge.
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