Comedy Story: One of Many Terrible Gigs

I only worked for 1 week at this horrible, ridiculously amateurish place in Cashiers, NC. The boss was a complete overreaction machine, and a permanently looping scream and sigh sound sample. Almost everyone there was an amateur server that could not actually make it in a real serving setting. The kitchen was a bunch of egotistical trash and fake tough guys. There was no communication, just bitching and there was shitty pay. The boss thought the place was some super upscale place where we should all be honored that we got to put on their legendary uniform. The uniform was rotten and had incredibly obvious sweat stains from overuse. We sat our tables like they were to be fine dining, then we served quesadillas and played pop country music through the speakers. Fine dining indeed, I'm surprised that there wasn't an ongoing game of ultimate frisbee among the posh members and the idiot staff. 

This was the kind of place that only the most ignorant of hospitality workers would think of as something to be proud of. The workers weren't even tipped and none of the servers bused their own tables. They needed help carrying trays. The kitchen expo didn't put the plates down on the trays in the order that they appeared on the ticket. So it took longer to figure out where everything goes because you had to flip back through your notepad. Working at this place would be like going to college on a football scholarship and then ending up a used car salesman by the end of the next year. The chef acted like his work was as serious as conducting an occult ritual when all he was really doing was playing Monopoly. The manager acted like a 20 year IT professional that could debug a nuclear satellite. Her maturity and leadership were more comparable to a 33 year old basement dweller with zero work history. The whole place was clueless.

My week there was during a stressful part of the year for them because they were all amateurs. They couldn't handle more than three tables at a time per person. You do have to give props where it's due, the bartender there was really top notch. She was knowledgeable, quick, charming and skilled. Absolutely the best thing about the place. Hardly anyone appreciated her and the membership certainly seemed to look down on her. The food looked like what you get served on an airplane. The pretentious chef was the kind of guy that would put in house made pizza bites on chicken Marsala and then would explain it away by reciting the history of crossover dishes.  

I would rather volunteer to go vaccinate people in a third world country than to work another day at that train wreck of a club. And I'm the kind of guy who can't stand needles or poverty. This was the kind of place where you could order apple cider and might end up being served toxic waste. Then you'd have a fruitless argument with the manager about how safe it was to consume as the stuff melted through glass and then the table.  

It may sound like I got my feelings hurt at this job.That would be because I did get my feelings hurt. I worked as honestly and as hard as I possibly could for them only to have them treat me like total shit. Well I did learn something from this terrible experience, never work with amateurs. I don't want to be the only competent person around, just waiting on everyone else to catch up. These people were the kind of workers that would fail to recognize that there was an issue with a broken AC unit in the summertime. Maybe it's not a huge deal if it's broken for a little while, but you have to at least report it. It's a huge issue if the AC stops working and it only shoots out hot air and refuses to turn off. The staff at this well dressed dump would have said "What's the big deal? Just open the doors and windows." Never mind that it will be suffocatingly hot for everyone involved, they would just go around telling everyone to toughen up.

I hope the place gets it together. I hope that they fire the manager and get a real chef so that they can make something special out of the place. They did have a beautiful venue and there probably were some good people out there in the membership. Ending up stuck working there for any amount of time would have been less preferable than having a flat tire in the middle of nowhere and then getting abducted by aliens. The aliens would have likely acted with more respect and decency than that clueless screamaholic manager.

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