When you have a ridiculous claim made by persons of some significance you have to remember that somewhere, even in the most unbelievable lies, there is some truth. If you really break down what it means to lie, you'll find that it is impossible to lie without including some truth somewhere. So when a guy in Russia claims that they have super soldiers with psychic super powers, there is some essence of the truth somewhere in there. Now of course another Russian guy claimed that none of the soldiers have psychic super powers, this does not stop there from being truth in both claims. How does the Russian army having super powers affect me? It affects me in that I will have the same reaction to it that I had when I found out that I had malware on my computer. I will eat cherries. I don't know what to do about Russian super soldiers or malware, but I do have some cherries still sitting in my fridge, just waiting to get demolished.
Maybe the claim is just propaganda designed to incite worry in the political enemies of Russia. Or maybe it's a boast by a government that can actually predict the future and they already know how things turn out. Either way, my rechargeable batteries hold a charge longer than my non slip restaurant shoes stay together. So the batteries were a good investment and the restaurant business is pretty hard on restaurant shoes. That's my life. The only time I would worry about the rest of the world and specifically psychic super soldiers, is if they showed up at my door. I am not expecting either, so I'm not worried.
I don't think that psychic powers are real, period. I don't think that anyone can levitate, read minds or jump up walls like in Kung-fu movies. I think that I have a shift tomorrow and I forgot to check the reservation list to prepare myself mentally for how many it's going to be. I like to always prepare the same way no matter how many it is, so the checking is a bit redundant I guess. I once borrowed the Encyclopedia of Parasychology and something else and then took it to McDonald's to read and take notes. For a class? Nope, it was a day off and I had a great time. You wouldn't believe how compatible chicken nuggets and demonology are.
Nothing about all the curses and rituals that I read about made me think that any of it was even remotely possible. The outcomes expected by the performers of the rituals and curses, that's the stuff that I thought was bs. Just about anybody could have performed the rituals. I mean how hard could it be to put on shoes caked with the dirt from the yard of your first home, drip some blood from your hand into a tub of diced onions and then dump it on a plate surrounded by 9 lit candles. Easy peasy dude, but the girl that was supposed to beat down my door in order to get into bed with me hasn't come by yet. I don't think it's going to happen, it's been two weeks.
I think I want the job of testing the psychic powers and mastery of the psychic super soldiers. If they are such masters of everything like the original article claimed, then let's see them build a comfortable, functional recliner out of nothing but scrap metal, wood and the combined leather of 38 used pairs of Nike boots. Let them prove the diversity of their mastering skills by becoming world champion weight lifters while singing at the opera house every night. I think if you're going to make a claim like "masters of everything" we have to have some pretty compelling evidence in order to buy in.
I feel excited when I think about the possibilities of psychic powers being used in warfare. It's exactly the kind of fiction that I would like to read about or watch at the movies. Hearing that it's supposed to be real is a bit of a downer. I want fun things like that to stay out of the news and in my personal library of books, movies and video games. One non fictional thing that I would be really excited to receive would be a free notepad. I would probably take any free notepads offered to me no matter what the promotion was. It could be at a stand that said "Was Hitler Really Wrong?" If those sons of bitches were giving away free notepads, I'd at least stick around long enough to get one. I can always just mark out their branding. Hearing psychic powers in the news is like going to your favorite bar for reduced price shots night, but the shots are only expiring beer and vinegar turned wine. Strictly no liquor. This is the kind of disappointment that I go through when I get my hopes up for psychic powers, only to have the realistic part of me tell the naive, creative part of me to go fuck itself.
Ultimately, I'm pretty certain that I read somewhere that both the US and Russian governments have wasted money on trying to make psychic super soldiers. So at least we have someone to be really stupid with. It's pretty fun to make an ass of yourself when you are alone, but it's so much better when you have company. I could worry myself as to whether there are people out there capable of reading my mind and seeing all the violent tranny porn that I've streamed in 4k the last few weekends, or I could just keep doing one day at a time. I am as likely to strike up a conversation with a stranger as I am to strike up a conversation about psychic powers or violent, 4k tranny porn. Close behind is the likelihood that I might intentionally water down a diet coke and then kick back in my Nike boots recliner to read over the geometry notes that I wrote when I was sixteen. So, not all that likely.
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Click here if you'd like to read the story that inspired this bit: https://www.popularmechanics.com/military/research/a27046167/journal-claims-russian-troops-have-psychic-powers/
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