Comedy Story: Being Alone is Not The Best

People who claim being alone is the best are not the same as people who claim that they want to be alone all the time. The first one is an introvert, the other one is starving for attention. Introverts might prefer being alone, but they will admit that they miss social interaction and that they do want people in their lives. People who say they want to be alone all the time did not get hugged enough growing up. Being alone all the time is like playing barefoot soccer and having such a good time at it that you end up walking home barefoot and along the way, you step on a rusty nail. Everything in moderation and there is a reason why we have shoes. These are the great philosophic depths that I'll take you to today.

I've already professed how worthless I think the life coach industry is. Even more worthless are the high school sports coaches that were supposed to change our lives and make us into men. I mean get this, I had a coach once that told me I was too selfish and that I should shoot the ball less. But I'm the best shooter! Why the fuck should I pass? I should be shooting all the time. You should be spending your time thinking of ways to get me more shots. Geeze Louise, team work? How about we just win instead. I was a loner back then too though, so I shot every time I was given the ball, hung out with nobody and never made an attempt to explain myself. That's not exactly the recipe for popularity.

How much  do the "I don't need anyone" people like jerking off ?  I mean honestly  what other justification is there  for pretending  like you always want to be alone. If all you really wanna do is rub one out, nobody is stopping you. You don't have to tell us all how little you need us. Nobody that cares about you is going to attempt to keep you from your peeder or cooter. Have the lone douches even tried actual relationships? Yes of course they have and they never yielded enough attention to satisfy the unrelenting desire for more attention that these nerds need. Have they ever lost anyone? Yes to that as well, but they are the types that would only think of loss in terms of how much of an inconvenience it was to them personally. "Nobody ever mentions how much I suffered" they say with a pouty lower lip. Reasonable if you are a mentally collapsing spouse that just lost everything, not so much if you're a distant cousin talking to the one with the loss. 

Sometimes being alone is great. I'm an actual introvert, not an attention seeker that thinks that being an introvert is somehow in style. I've had to go to great lengths to become socially capable. I work as a server/bartender for crying out loud, I have to be good with people. However, I definitely have limits, but saying something like "I never want to see anyone again" or "I fucking hate people" is just dumb ass word wasting. I couldn't make it a week without talking to someone that I care about and living without people for any amount of time greater than a few days is as likely for me as lassoing a meteorite one day and then riding it to Neptune.

Maybe there is a group out there that has one true belief and that it's that one day someone will lasso a meteorite and ride it to Neptune and my use of their belief was egregious and foul. There are two simple solutions to being upset about your beliefs, don't have dumb ass beliefs. if that's not your style then try being aware that some of what you believe might be construed as ridiculous and crazy by the uninitiated. So just believe what you believe as well and as hard as you can and just don't fucking worry about what a comedian says. Or you could pen me a rage fueled comment in my comment section, I'll read and respond as so little comments end up on here that it would look extremely neglectful for me to not respond.  

Loneliness is such an overwhelming bitch that it can destroy you even when you are surrounded by loved ones. People would rather kill themselves then be alone a lot of times. So only a selfish, ridiculous, narcissist would ever  suggest that the only person that they ever want to deal with again is their self. But of course the narcissist doesn't really want to be alone. If you tell the trees in the woods how awesome you are for more than a few minutes, will a tree become sentient and tear you limb from limb? If the roots of the tree burst from the dirt so that the tree can trample you, won't you be on really shaky ground? If the sentient family of rage filled trees chases you from the dark greens of the forest to a pasture of rolling green landscape... will you have truly found that the grass is greener on the other side? You might feel with all the questions that this is turning into a interrogation but it's actually just a well placed sequence of nonsense, much like my short existence on this planet. 

Loneliness, depression and lack of connection is the great millennial struggle. Along with being hated by everyone, some of you have earned it. My fellow millennials might think that think that our collective amounts of staggering debt is the real issue. Yes that is a big issue for us. But the people that own our debt will be more incentivised to help us with depression and loneliness so that we can stick around long enough to pay off our debts. Suicide rates shooting up would mean return on investment for debtors would go plummeting down. 

My solution is to get, and stay, fucked up all the time. We can all start the day with 3 White Russians. We can all meet for margaritas and daiquiris for lunch. After work we can do shots and then end the night sipping scotch at my place or your place or any fucking place. Hopefully we'll be fucked up enough that it really won't matter to us. I met a friend of a friend that was such a cock sucker. He cared so much about what other people thought of him. He was also the guy that was always talking about getting drunk but drank like he was saving himself for marriage. What a pussy. Anyway, don't be that guy. He might not be lonely, but he does hate himself and that's not a good trade. Will staying plastered pay off the debt? Well the bar owners among us will be paying off their debts probably. The rest of us were never going to be able to pay that off anyway. Will our depression be cured? For a little while it will be. Then it will get way worse, but our loneliness should be solved as long as we keep on drinking. 

Click here if you have a hobby that you would like to turn into a business: https://e8b2fa0bng3qzbv8xafqmnbo9p.hop.clickbank.net/

Loneliness is a bigger deal than you might think: https://www.thedrum.com/news/2019/09/09/cadbury-dairy-milk-and-age-uk-encourage-kind-gestures-solve-old-age-loneliness

Click on any of these if you want to enjoy some legendary comedy: