Comedy Story: Serial Killers

Serial killers have done so many people wrong and I just want to know why society doesn't punish them much more harshly than it does. I don't know if serial killers should be erased from history and their victims memorialized, or if they should be publicly tortured, or what. But it seems like there should be some kind of deterrent to the worst behavior imaginable in a human. I also do not understand why serial killers do what they do. If it's perverted thrill seeking, then why don't they play beach volleyball in a haunted house or something. As long as they played the awful mainstream music of the day, there would surely be some haunting in retaliation for that alone.

Why can't serial killers just be in to real stuff? Invent the greatest lamp of all time. Or create a portable lamp so that you can read interesting books way deep down in a creepy cavern. Have yourself a collection of odd pens. Maybe you could build a cavern out of pens and then explore it with your portable lamp. That would at least take a lot of time and would surely impress someone. The serial killer doesn't want any of that, they want to be worshiped and adored for being pure evil, and sadly they are.

Obviously serial killers are sick people that have been conditioned towards evil. They must surely have been born to be that kind of evil too. I guess they seem to always attack young, beautiful people because they think that will get the most press. We haven't seen a serial killer yet that breaks into nursing homes and murders all the patients. Most of them never have visitors, family or otherwise. So there wouldn't be that much outrage publicly. I think most nursing homes are government owned so for some, cleaning out the nursing home would be an act of patriotism. "Country has an 8 gajillion dollar deficit so we need to save money where we can. Thanks for your service Mr. Crazy eyes."

I could never be a serial killer. I could never run out of pointless things to do. Before I would start stalking some broad that I saw walking down the street from the window of a Wendy's, I would start writing letters to the Sasquatch Search Institute. Which is probably a group home cabin in the woods full of crazies. But that would be an interesting place to begin a correspondence with. Much more interesting than writing letters to my admiring fans after I butcher a few hookers and end up behind bars.

Serial killers should be in unethical scientific experiments. They should be put into a gladiatorial cage match fight to the death with other evil people on pay-per-view. There should be entire Industries formed around marketing and destroying serial killers. The money is split between the victims and the businesses that put on the events, and the serial killers and their families receive nothing.

But maybe we should be more like serial killers in one specific way. We should be more committed to what we really want. In a way serial killers are the ultimate go getters. Also, go get hers. No amount of social pressure will ever keep you from doing what you want. If I pursue my goals the way they pursue filet of hooker I might be further ahead in life. But I don't do that and I won't be doing that. I'm more likely to answer an ad in the paper looking for someone to help count a collection of rusty razor blades. Better get my tetanus shot.

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For further news about serial killers, thank our friends in Detroit: https://www.detroitnews.com/story/news/local/detroit-city/2019/09/05/medical-examiner-serial-killer-victims-died-blunt-force-head-trauma/2222788001/

If you have a thing for really stupid entertainment related to ghosts and serial killers then click here: https://www.newsweek.com/what-ghost-adventures-serial-killer-spirits-everything-we-know-about-october-special-episodes-1457848

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