I used to be fit, and fitness used to matter a great deal to me. I was certain that I would be a basketball or soccer star. I'd even have settled for a late blooming boxing world champion. But none of that happened. You can be fit and not let Fitness matter when you are young but I was never like that. I worked out and cared about what I was eating. That was until I learned how to get laid.
Getting laid the first time didn't ruin everything. It was the subsequent 36 other random sad drunken liaisons that ended my dedication to my body. Why did I go to such an excess? Well why did I used to smoke pot till I had panic attacks? Why do I still give myself alcohol poisoning every 6 months or so? Because I have no self control and psychoactive substances turn me into a tornado of poor life decisions. Once I felt used up and the girls seemed used up too I started dunking cheeseburgers and cheesecake in my mouth with the ferocity of a young Shaquille O'Neal on the court and a current Shaquille O'Neal at the buffet.
Definitely did not help that I started losing my hair and going gray at a very young age. How am I supposed to care about slimming down again if I'll still just be looking like I get lame ass ties from my 3 kids every father's day? Maybe next year you could spring for a new briefcase ya little shits. The buckles are breaking off of this one......I don't have any kids. Or a wife.... Or a briefcase...moving on.
It's hard for me to work out because I can't run anymore. Due to a long list of injuries, my ankles provide about as much stability as a rickety old wooden bridge trying to hold up a break dancer mid routine above an endless ravine. Yes I went for that rhyme and I'm not ashamed of it. I have as much shame for my rhyme as I do when I make my third trip to the buffet, exactly zero shame.
I am in pain most days because of my ankles. The rest of the time I'm in pain because I've run out of herpes medicine. I'm old looking, old acting and I'm even mostly into old music. I like black and white movies and Dean Martin in anything. I don't read the newspaper, own a typewriter or listen to records so I'm still not a hipster pretending to be your grandfather reincarnated. Your grandfather isn't dead? Well give it some time. I'm just a guy who is old, bald and fat at the age of 26.
If I'm totally honest, I don't want to run anymore, anyway. The ankles aren't so much of a problem that I couldn't be more active, I just don't want to be more active. I don't want to eat and drink really healthily. I want to be run-of-the-mill in my diet, Fitness, and sex life. I want to have the laziest and most lackadaisical sex in history with my partner. She has to mirror me in this regard. I don't want to feel guilty for having some angel fuck my brains out while I basically just watch her like an impartial onlooker.
The only thing I want to be good at is telling jokes. So with that in mind I could probably do for even less walking and a little more pizza and beer. Being able to date supermodels is really hard and expensive. It's much easier to date a chick that consumes plenty of pizza and beer. And also much easier to just jack off to pictures of supermodels when my pizza and beer buddy is not around. Or maybe when she is, who knows if she'll care or not. I'm thinking probably not.
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Do you believe that our choices in some areas of our lives affect others? If I practice or ask for mediocrity in certain aspects of life, do you think that the areas in which I wish to cultivate a genius or practice to perfection can be affected?
ReplyDeleteLet’s say I want to be a really good bball shooter and I’ll practice 100 shots on a basketball court daily. If I eat pizza and beer in excess, choose to become a hater, and look for the worst eyebrow expressions in Walmart to complain about, etc. Do you think that inevitably those decisions could affect my thought unconsciously to stop my basketball practice from making 100 shots a day, to thinking shooting 100 shots and day and “just look to making my percentage better”.
What do you think?
Well first of all, I don't think. I'm strictly against it. All of my ideas are transmuted to me from the eternal vortex of shakra. When I have an idea I have a pulsating sensation in my 3rd eye which is located in my beard. So basically until you meditate and visualize yourself as a fetus being dunked like a basketball, you'll never be the ball player that you want to be.
DeleteYour wisdom is infallible Austin. I hope one day our 3rd eye beards can connect one day.
DeleteThat's all that we can hope for brother
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