Comedy Story: Min Maxing Your Sexiness

Haircuts are expensive, so if you are not that good-looking to begin with then just save the money and buzz your head. Ugly people probably spend the most money on beauty products. This is a pointless pursuit. What is more likely to bring a mate, a genuine personality or some fat tits and a thin waste? Obviously the tits, unless you are a biologically a man with fat tits. In which case, don't worry about being accepted, either start dating fat chicks or start working out.

It's not your fault ugly folks, of which I am one. Beauty is rare, and we lost the draw. But we have other things. If you love work and you happen to be ugly, then maximize the time that you have on work. Put the money that you would have spent on your haircut and cologne on finding yourself more work. There will be someone out there that will be very attracted to your bank account. All that working that you love to do anyway will bring in the goods that cologne and haircuts never could. You and I will always have our big nose, our fat head, our male pattern baldness, even if you're a chick. Or just a man with fat tits.

Think about the things about yourself that you can control. Like how good of a person you are, how hard you work. Do you ever come in to work late? Are doing your sit-ups and push ups? If you can't control it for yourself then it doesn't really mean anything. If you get denied something, then you had no control over it so move on. This is the mental change between normal people and people who become rapists. The rest of us can just say “oh well, better luck next time.” While the other guys go barreling down a dark back alley after some broad.

So just buzz your head and save the money that you would spend on haircuts and beauty stuff and spend it on something that matters. It's not that hard to buzz your own head. The front is super easy. Turn your back to your mirror and then point your camera at the mirror. With your other hand you just buzz the fuzz. There ya go, once a month you do that and you save a fortune that can go into things that really matter to you that do not include your sub-par appearance. Some people will claim that poor self esteem and having the inner voice that tells you “you're so fucking ugly dude. God please don't make me look at us in the mirror.” comes from other people and how you've been conditioned to be.

Nobody ever sees the voice for what it really is, a survival mechanism. How else is your subconscious supposed to help you with your finances? Without talking shit and also telling the truth about how ugly we are, we might be at risk to waste more money on trying to look better. It's a blessing in disguise and we should treat it as such.

It's a harsh truth to accept. We aren't that good looking and sometimes we'll think about it and our feelings will be hurt. But we can control what we eat and how much we exercise. You could apply the same thinking to your application of makeup. You might feel the same is true for when you control your looks by applying makeup. But it usually just ends up making a highly polished and powdered cow. It's still a cow, but with mascara.

Or you could just not do any of this stuff. What do I know? I'm not even really sure what I believe that beautiful means. So live it up, buy ten tons of makeup and put it all on at once. Work 80 hour weeks and spend every dime on plastic surgery to the point that you look like Kim Kardashian except more monstrous and fake than she already looks. It's not my life it's yours so do whatever makes you happy. Get breast reduction if you are a guy with fat tits. That's definitely a justifiable change.

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