You're definitely an asshole for stealing and permanently depriving someone of their goods. I like to imagine here somebody getting off of larceny charges because they snuck back in to the scene of the crime and brought everything back. The guilty master thief who just can't take the life anymore. He only got into the business because he was an adrenaline junky. After he got so good at thieving, the game became boring. Did you think he was the kind of sad story where they just do it because they are starving? Nah he thinks he'll move on to rock climbing without climbing gear. But he said he might be a surfing instructor on the coast for a few years. Really try to find himself. His friends say that he would make great grant writer. He's got a knack for navigating bureaucracy. Pens a fantastic business email. It'd be shame to waste talent like his.
Too many thieves get caught for there to not be a reason to worry about being caught. But there is only so much security a house can have. So if you plan and bring a tool to counter every single security measure possible, then why would your thieving fail? You know to cover your face and wear gloves. You bring all your tools. It's basically like every other trade at that point. You could meet with the other thieves at your favorite diner for breakfast. Everybody could gripe about their wives and moan about the new security measures they will have to deal with. Gossip about who might've been nicked by the cops. It would be just as rewarding as your average workplace groups. Which is why you'll die of an aneurysm when Jim, the thief of 77th street brings up his theory about indoctrination signals coming from the TV for the 11,000th time.
But if you're going to be a criminal, you should be a master at pick pocketing. The worst that can happen if you're caught is you catch an ass whooping. A good second place is robbing houses. Because you can usually tell if someone is home or not. And if they are home, then you know for sure that someone could blast you if you where to make an uninvited entry. Pick pocketing can fill your refrigerator and keep you out of long prison terms. Robbing houses could net you an entire home library of UFO books, but is it really worth the risk of really long prison sentences? I think not. You'd better learn how to pick pocket ramen packets if you end up in prison. According to things I've seen on the internet, prisoners are all about ramen packets. They also seem to really like fresh ass to rape. So maybe you could use the one to deter the other.
Imagine the opportunity that pick pocketing represents to a lonely person. You could so very quickly become really well acquainted with your mark, if you miss your mark. By that I mean that you fail to nab the goods, and are caught in the process of attempted nabbery. Let's say you bump into him or her later. Now you're that loner weirdo, that tried to rob this person earlier in life. This is like the ultimate primer for a friendship if the mark is a really understanding and forgiving person. Maybe you could win them over by splitting your next take with them. You guys can laugh it up at the ridiculously ugly driver's license picture. Gamble the cash at the nearest black jack table. Ditch the credit cards and pawn the wallet. It's cheap leather, but it's still leather. Maybe you guys decide to cut the original owner's O'Reily's Auto Parts card in half and share it between the two of you as a symbol of your new friendship.
Obviously you shouldn't steal, unless you're stealing the affection of your workplace sweetheart. You shouldn't deprive people of their property permanently or otherwise. So yes I want my old N64 controller back, you know who you are. You can't borrow something forever asshole. In any case if you have to steal, be a pick pocket. At least when you quit, you'll be able to effortlessly transition into a career as a magician.
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The next three links are the sources that helped me to write this post: https://www.mylondon.news/news/local-news/prison-sentence-for-southall-pickpocket-5968159
Click here if you are the rough crowd and not just a part of it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MzJrEhmRLM
Click here if you would like to watch the best movie of all time on the best console of this generation on the best TV that money can buy:
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