Comedy Story: You Don't Want To Sell Drinks For Cheap

When you sell your cocktails/regular old liquor for cheap, you encourage people to drink more. When people drink more, you can expect more violence, danger and stress. It's like having a free breakfast for dads on Father's day. You might expect to make your money on all the family that the dads will bring with them, but in reality it will just be a bunch of cheap bastard dads that want to eat for free. You might believe you are doing something good, but really you are acting without considering the incentives. 

Bar owners who always go for the cheap special or want to do things for cheap because they like to buy cheap, are putting their potential good regular patrons in danger out of personal preference. You want people who can pay a fee for class, not total scumbags that don't care about atmosphere. These guys just want to get wasted and act a fool. That kind of attitude is for a party at your house, not a bar. Getting wasted is fun, getting wasted with friends is fun. But getting wasted with complete strangers in public is just asking for disaster. Asking your employees to deal with that is pretty much like asking a peaceful old goat shepard from Sudan to take over peace discussions between Israel and the rest of the middle east. They aren't qualified for the job and the only thing they'll understand is that everyone is yelling.  

Working for cheap is not the great competitive edge that people think that it is. The cheaper you work, the more business you have to do with classless people. People that want to be paid what they're worth will be more expensive to deal with up front, but will do better business with you. People that are cheap to deal with up front will cost you everything in idiocy. If people want to slum it up and drink until their liver stops then they should go to the liquor store and get a $12 per gallon vodka and do the deed at their house. If "treating" your friends to Popov vodka and Sunny Dee is your idea of a great time then the rest of us are better off without you being out and about socializing with us. Scientists have known for decades that Popov combined with Sunny Dee is chemically the same as combining Liquid cocaine with high fructose corn syrup and the juice that leaks out of your trash bags as you carry them to the dumpster.   

Bar owners that want to carry cheap products and sell them for cheap are encouraging more danger, more drunk driving, more shooting and fighting. So if you're a sociopathic freak and you don't care to lose all of your investment in your bar, then by all means sell for cheap and keep the danger level way up high. Maybe you could carry a gun on your hip and instigate fights with your patrons and then shoot it out with them like it's the wild west. Keep your lawyer on speed dial because you're going to make him a millionaire while you make yourself go bust. 

You will be afraid for your life if you let people get too drunk for too cheap. But the customer will be afraid for his wallet and savings account if he gets too drunk on drinks that are not cheap. This is a very effective deterrent for the madness of drunk wild patrons. Your bar is about providing a good friendly experience, not shilling out hooch at a bargain. Liquor is a dangerous and addictive drug. It should not be treated as carelessly as Bob Seger CD's in buy 1 get one free bin at the local pawn shop. 

Your employees will be less than stellar if you decide to sell everything for cheap. The best of the best want to sell high and make good honest money. They don't want to catch a stray bullet trying to carry trays to the table full of chicken wings on $0.75 beer night. But if you think I'm wrong then just consider where the cheapest drinks are in your town. Does that also happen to be the place with the most trouble? Yes it is and now you know why. When you open your bar, try to price so that you make the most money on the least amount of work. When you do that, you'll have less to worry about. You don't want to be the place where people think that they might be able to buy 4$ hits of Flakka from your bartender on his smoke break. They do the shit in the parking lot and then come back inside raving about how they've become the Antichrist with a temperature of 120 while completely in the nude and still get service. Don't be that bar.  

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