If you order something simple then you won't get your order messed up. Don't be mad when you give a new server 17 modifiers and the dish comes out looking like shit. It's your fault, you ordered shit. As a bartender server I can tell you that we are definitely too dumb to handle that many modifications to dishes. Our kitchens are also too dumb to get it right on the off day that we actually typed it all in the computer correctly. Just pick something that you like on the menu. Do yourself a favor and don't test our intelligence. Don't ask me for the shrimp from one menu item, the mash potatoes from another and then ask if I can have the kitchen mash all that together into a club sandwich with sauteed zucchini on the side. I didn't get all of it written down the first time you said it, and you're too much of an asshole to repeat it politely, so I move on with my standard dead look in my eyes. Eventually you'll go home to gripe about me to your cat and we'll both be just fine.
If I was smart enough to handle 32 variations of the same dish then I would do something else. I'm not secretly about to finish my medical degree, and all along I've just been tricking you into thinking that I'm dumb. I am dumb. Don't ask me about the food either, because I don't know anything about food. Sometimes I just eat cheddar cheese out of the bag in my fridge as a meal. I stand there, usually with my shirt off and just feed my face handfuls of shredded cheddar cheese. I usually have a glass of diet Sunkist no matter what meal I'm having, so no I do not know what wine will pair perfectly with your monster mash dish that you made me write down earlier.
Life is about choices, and I chose a profession where you serve the public. Even if it's a private club or a Ruby Tuesday's, you are still serving the public. Working directly for and being paid by people. Nobody is more hateful in the universe than people. So if I'm willing to subject myself to that then you know I've got to be pretty dumb. I will give the same average service to whatever chump happens to walk through the door. I don't pay attention to the news either so if the King of all Somali pirates came in for some pretzel bites and beer cheese, I'd take care of him. I might try to up-sell him to the craft beer over domestic if I'm feeling frisky, but it's not likely.
Do you know what I like to do at work? Find ways to not do work. I look for subtle ways, never something that can get me automatically caught. I want to have just enough activity going that it looks like I'm really getting something done. Any more than that level of effort and I might as well just work. It's that sweet spot that keeps me from really having to do anything that I always want to stay in. Do you anticipate that this will lead me to great success? I anticipate that it will not. But I can guarantee you that nothing that an employer asks you to do will ever actually matter. If you have a job after the first week you should know enough about it to know what the mandatory things are and that's all you need to know. Just the general basic idea of what needs to happen. Any more than that is a waste of time unless you're just passionate. Doing your best on something that is not your dream is like going broke funding your Presidential campaign when all you really want is to be the mayor of a small fishing town.
Are my parents, family and friends disappointed in the lack of effort that I put into my life? Possibly, I haven't and won't ask. I prefer to stay in the margin of we love each other but we don't really talk about important things. You might see a pattern here as this perspective is very similar to my approach to work. I really care a lot about just one thing which is this website. I've pretty much cancelled all my other creative endeavors to do this and have absolutely zero regrets. I might be chopping down trees in forests by myself right now, but I think eventually the forest service will take notice. I'm not sure if that metaphor works but I want to keep it anyway.
So while I put 98% of my minimal effort into this website, the other 2% can be split between everything else including my job. And even on only 2% I'm still living pretty good. So as long as the world keeps spinning, the grass on the golf course keeps growing and UFOs keep mutilating a cattle, I'll just be here doing what I do and not breaking a sweat. That is until guests that happen to know each other decide to have an impromptu 18 person table and want to know why the kitchen is so slow about getting them their food. Then a tidal wave of sweat pours out of me that only the most extreme surfer dudes and chicks could tame.
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