It really sucks to be broken hearted because of love and missing someone that is special to you. Sometimes this means death and sometimes it means they live too far away. Sometimes it means that you followed them home and jerked off in their bushes every night for a few months until the neighbors reported you. These things happen and you can't dwell on them forever. If you did you'd be in a DMT level trance but with no aliens and face of God kaleidoscopes, just a never ending highlight real of all the times you got too drunk and puked on the dance floor.
The broken hearted feeling sucks and I fucking hate it. I hate it when my enemies have it and I don't even have enemies, just a couple guys that don't want to play basketball with me at the gym. I don't want those that don't like me to have to deal with heartache, it just sucks so bad. I don't want to have this feeling for myself or anyone else. Heart ache is when you are in so much pain that you could sit on a park bench and watch an entire family get abducted by men with pantyhose masks and you would not even realize it when aliens abducted the men who were abducting the family.
We all have to lose people, and no one stays in your life forever. You want to hold onto those memories and cherish them and love those people and stay in contact with them as much as you can. But it's a part of life that you lose people when they die or when they move away to some extent. It's even worse if you're like so many of the elderly folks who develop dementia and lose even the memories that meant so much to them. I've said it before but life is cruel. Life breaks you down like a mad chemist trying to invent a breakthrough in chemical warfare. Life kicks your shins as hard as when you crack them on a trailer hitch that you didn't see. Life likes to hint that things are going to get better and then punts your nut sack to the 7 yard line from the back of it's own end zone.
Sometimes I think about parallel universes where if I could travel far enough from where I am now maybe I could go see the person that I've lost again or visit that person that I miss the most. I'd definitely do it, consequences be damned even if they didn't recognize me and it was only for a little while. To smell the smells and see the sights and hear the sounds with them just one more time. But it's just not going to happen. You may be thinking that I need to go to therapy because I've written all this mopey shit. But therapy only ever helped me once, a long time ago. That lady moved out of state, so like I said you can never really win. Winning in life is just a temporary clotting of a massive wound near some of the more important organs. It's going to tear open again at some point but at least for now you don't have to clean up a massive mess.
I feel overwhelming sadness when I think of what I've lost. So I follow Psalm 90:12 "Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom." When you number your days you feel a sense of progression. I prefer tally marks over crossing days off on the calendar. My tally marks are a real life version of an experience bar from a video game. I'm too old to be leveling up my team composed entirely of fire Pokemon these days, so I just level myself up at the things that matter to me. I get the same rush as when I was playing Pokemon Silver everyday as a kid which was probably the last time that I was genuinely happy too. Staring for long hours at my Gameboy Color might have ruined my eyesight but just like the diabetic on a donut binge, I'm too far in the game to care.
I don't think I'll ever get over the things that really make me sad. I'll always be bracing to lose people that I care about. I'll probably never expect it to workout romantically with someone that I really love. I think I'll just be remembering my days and working towards the next day. If you do that 10,000 times at some point you're just doing one more time every single day. You don't plan for 10,000 days you just do 10,000 one more times. I want to be like a bridge over the ocean. Weathered plenty of storms over a long life, but never went down except after that one last massive hurricane in my 85th year.
Click here if you have a hobby that you would like to turn into a business: https://e8b2fa0bng3qzbv8xafqmnbo9p.hop.clickbank.net/
Click here if you'd like to listen to something that is not mopey shit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs069dndIYk
Click here if you would like to watch the best movie of all time on the best console of this generation on the best TV that money can buy:
No comments:
Post a Comment