Before anyone asks, angrily emails me or yells at me in the street, no, my giving the answer to the question "What do I do to be Saved?" is not a joke. I am a Christian and I have love for all people as I'm supposed to. So, if you're of a different belief system than me then please do not be offended by this post. I'm merely trying to help out where there are people in need. According to my beliefs, I should do something like this in love, and I have. Whatever your beliefs, you are welcome on Comedy Apprentice and I hope you'll stick around to get laughs from my future jokes.
This is not my normal kind of subject matter or content. But I saw it in my keyword research for questions that people need answers to. I felt compelled deep down in my heart to write this post. The whole point of this series is to give real answers with jokes or give fake answers to silly/ridiculous things. As I said before, that's not what this is. There is nothing more important to me than my own salvation. I've been saved since I was 7 years old and though I've strayed many times and many ways, I still remember what you'll need to do. Here is my answer to "What do I do to be saved?".
Most people go to church for a while without feeling anything. That's totally normal and not something that you should immediately be worried about. After you've been there for a while or even if you haven't ever been to church, you start to experience a feeling called "being under conviction". I phrase it like that because that's how I've always heard it described and that's what I felt when I was going through this process.
Being under conviction feels awful. It's comparable to depression but not quite because there is an underlying fear that you will burn in Hell for eternity with conviction. You're in the state of conviction because you have through some means learned of your own sin. You realize that you're a sinner and that something must change in order for you to live well again and for you to go to Heaven.
When you get to this point it can be helpful to approach people that you know are saved, or those that have talked about it and would in all likelihood love to help. But, the process of getting saved is something that you can complete without the help of anyone but you and God. Here's how it goes, you kneel down and pray. In your prayer you must admit that you're a sinner and that without forgiveness you will go to Hell. You then profess that you believe that Jesus died on the cross and rose again for our sins and you ask him to come into your heart.
This prayer may go on for some time before you feel relief. Or, it could be instantaneous. I've heard plenty of different people describe it plenty of different ways but the end is always the same. You feel a sensation of relief that you will never be able to out do. There is no greater peace that will ever be laid on your heart than the one that you will receive once your prayer is answered. You might cry, you might laugh, you might cry while you're laughing. In the end, you'll be so thankful for your salvation that you won't know what to do with yourself.
Now you've come to the final step in the "What do I do to be saved?" equation. You go out and confess to the world what has happened to you. You tell everyone in your church family if you have one and you tell your friends and loved ones. By completing this process you've effectively allowed God to be the leader of your life and existence. Everything that happens after this moment will be challenging, rewarding all sorts of the things that make life into living. But you will always know in your heart of hearts where you will go when you die. Nothing is better than that. :)
Joke writer who loves dark humor. I'm the sole author of this blog's dark jokes, short jokes and short stories. One post per day or more.
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