So yeah just like the title says, feet are really gross. They smell bad, they are sore. Sometimes they develop sores. I can't stand feet. If you fuck them up somehow, well too bad, you still have to stand on them all the time.
I have fucked up my feet and at this point I'm feeling like I've fucked everything else up in life too. I should probably become a life guru. That's what you do when you've failed at everything else right? You just pretend like everything is great and then charge people for your brand of bullshit.
Speaking of bullshit, this blog is devoted to it. I'm covering books, video games and movies. All the shit that you could ever need to distract you from your life. Almost to the point that distracting yourself from life becomes your life. That was not profound. Because it was bullshit.
Click here if you want to check out my Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPywZOYDSrzlPgQnsuMxDXg?view_as=subscriber
Comedy Story: Travel is Overrated
Travel is overrated for people like me who hate travel. If you know that you are like me then do not listen to the boobs out there that want you to spend all your money going places where you don't want to go. Just stay home.
I spend most of my time working. If I were to travel then I would be spending all my time working, so that I could have enough money to go somewhere that is not my home. But all I really want is to go back home. I don't want to party all night, or hook up with some wild broad and live dangerously, I want to go home.
"But it's an experience that will widen your horizons!!" or some shit like that. You know what else broadens your horizons? Reading a fucking book. There are so many books in the world, if you read a tenth of a tenth of a percent of them your horizons would be fucking huge. And you'd never have to see any of what you read about in person because humans have this really cool feature preinstalled called an imagination.
Travel is expensive, the library is free as long as you're not one of those dumbasses that doesn't return the books on time. How fucking hard is it to keep the receipt that they give you and just read it ever so often so that you'll know when to return what is not yours? It's not that fucking hard.
Most of the people who rave about how great travel is actually have a miserable time traveling. But they spend so much money on it that they have to try and convince themselves that it wasn't totally miserable. You have to do something in order for the buyer's remorse to not take over your life.
Yes you might meet the love of your life, but you also might never fall in love and be out $2,800. OR a whole lot more than just $2,800. You could be out $2,800 and have herpes. That would be way worse that just staying home and watching a basketball game Friday night. Then ignore your alarm and sleep in all day on Saturday. That is what you call an unbeatable combo.
In all honesty, you should travel if you want to travel. I'm not going to stop you. I'm not going to stop anyone from doing anything. I want to be one of those guys that starts a blog and then becomes a millionaire from it and then just pretends to care about things online when in reality I masturbate 12 times a day and have a gym membership just to hit on girls.
One of the best experiences of my life happened because I wasn't yet aware of how miserable travel is and I went to Denmark and met somebody who would I now consider family and love very much. So if you think you should travel maybe you should. But if you have a miserable time don't lie about it to yourself or anyone else.
Click here if you want to check out my Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPywZOYDSrzlPgQnsuMxDXg?view_as=subscriber
Shot Glass Thought: Your Sign
If I had punched everyone in the face that ever told me about their sign, my hands would be shattered to pieces. I'd be lugging around two useless, clumps of flesh and bone. Yes I am a Leo and I suppose that is explanation enough for why I am hogging all the attention. But do you really think that that is all that there is to knowing people? I don't match up with these types of people because they are pretty fucking stupid. I'm cynical and a dick. I get it, but I don't think that has anything to do with the fucking moon. If I spoke about mystic shit like astrology the way the some people do, I would be committed. If you're into that stuff, then for fucks sake, leave me out of it. Unless you're an Aries, in which case would you like to get a drink later?
Shot Glass Thought: Ideas That Aren't Getting Used, Preachers
I prefer to jot ideas down on scrap pieces of paper and then pile them up in highly noticeable stacks. I like to move the stack to a different part of my apartment and plan on doing something with the material in there but then never do anything with it actually.
Sometimes I like to drive to work listening to Buddhist meditation radio on Pandora and then somewhere about halfway I scream my fucking lungs out as loud as I can for irony's sake. Or maybe for irony's sake. I mean the rice wine, it was a bad joke. I don't know if Eastern religious folks have fake ass drunk preachers the way we do. I'm not judging, I'm just saying what the literal truth is. Some preachers are fake ass drunks. Some preachers are good at what they do, and we appreciate them. But some of them are as sober a mind as I am when I turn on my psychic powers training manual on audible.
Sometimes I like to drive to work listening to Buddhist meditation radio on Pandora and then somewhere about halfway I scream my fucking lungs out as loud as I can for irony's sake. Or maybe for irony's sake. I mean the rice wine, it was a bad joke. I don't know if Eastern religious folks have fake ass drunk preachers the way we do. I'm not judging, I'm just saying what the literal truth is. Some preachers are fake ass drunks. Some preachers are good at what they do, and we appreciate them. But some of them are as sober a mind as I am when I turn on my psychic powers training manual on audible.
Comedy Story: Blogging is Stupid
Not going to lie to you all, blogging is pretty fucking stupid. I find myself juggling ideas like "how do I make a giant tomato monster bust into a burger joint for some ironic revenge?" That's the kind of thing that means you are wasting your life by most estimations.
The blog makes me work harder than ever before at my day job because I am hoping to do something that matters somewhere else than inside of my apartment. I'm always writing in the dark with a hood on, nobody comes over because nobody wants to. I take a jerk off break every 45 minutes or so. Kind of fucks up the actual workflow. And leads to a non insignificant level of soreness.
Blogging is a very isolating experience. Sure it's practice for what I want to spend the rest of my life on, but being alone with it all the time reminds me of how alone I am in this life. I'm not too keen on being alone with my thoughts when they stray into the territory of "Why do I go on living this unexamined life?" I prefer to giggle to myself about the prospects of a Godzilla sized taco fighting a Godzilla sized tofu taco.
But I can't always get to that realm. Sometimes I'm stuck in the bullshit world of not wanting to go anywhere, do anything, but still thinking about what I should do, or should be doing. Then regretting it all but doing nothing. So, I'm wasting my fucking time thinking about how I'm wasting my fucking time. And in the end, mostly just wasting my fucking seed and my fucking tissues.
I am proud of my blog and I've enjoyed writing it for the most part. Sometimes I wish I could do more than just make a few people laugh on the internet. Maybe I could solve world hunger by building a two Godzilla sized tacos, one of ground beef and the other of tofu. I could accomplish two great goals, put on the greatest show ever witnessed and feed millions of starving people. Then all the inadequacy issues that have haunted me my whole life would just waft away. Nothing like an impossible fantasy to distract you from your crushing reality.
At first I was trying to monetize this thing and then try to make my living at it. But that just seems impossible honestly. Nobody wants to click a fucking clickbank link. Nobody wants to try any of that shit and I don't feel good about pushing it on people. I'm the only one that has clicked my Amazon ads and that was only to make sure that they were working. So maybe I need a new strategy for that kind of thing. Or maybe I should just write jokes and shut the fuck up about money. If someone thinks that I'm good enough, then I'll get paid. I'm not good or experienced enough yet, so that hasn't happened. There is no point in me trying to hork worthless shit onto my audience like a sleazy used car salesman.
I was hoping that this blog could be one aspect of my body of work as a comedian. I think it still will, because I have already made up my mind to devote the rest of my life to comedy and show business. I love laughter and making people laugh is my only goal. So if I stopped the blog it would not fix anything or make me feel any better about anything, it would be totally stupid. But a voice inside of me does say "Nah just quit dude, you suck we both know it." By that logic, if I really wanted to lose weight I guess I'd blog from a communist nation or the third world. Maybe starving to death would help me to appreciate my world a little better.
I'm not going to stop writing on this blog. I love it and I appreciate the people who read it. I have been in a rut like you wouldn't believe lately, so here's to getting out of that. If I can't climb out of it on my own, I'll go to the old stand by, 3 White Russians in the morning and 4 rounds of Scotch at night. Good night, Miss, good night. Or good morning, whenever you read this, here is an implied friendly greeting for whatever the fuck time it is where you are.
The blog makes me work harder than ever before at my day job because I am hoping to do something that matters somewhere else than inside of my apartment. I'm always writing in the dark with a hood on, nobody comes over because nobody wants to. I take a jerk off break every 45 minutes or so. Kind of fucks up the actual workflow. And leads to a non insignificant level of soreness.
Blogging is a very isolating experience. Sure it's practice for what I want to spend the rest of my life on, but being alone with it all the time reminds me of how alone I am in this life. I'm not too keen on being alone with my thoughts when they stray into the territory of "Why do I go on living this unexamined life?" I prefer to giggle to myself about the prospects of a Godzilla sized taco fighting a Godzilla sized tofu taco.
But I can't always get to that realm. Sometimes I'm stuck in the bullshit world of not wanting to go anywhere, do anything, but still thinking about what I should do, or should be doing. Then regretting it all but doing nothing. So, I'm wasting my fucking time thinking about how I'm wasting my fucking time. And in the end, mostly just wasting my fucking seed and my fucking tissues.
I am proud of my blog and I've enjoyed writing it for the most part. Sometimes I wish I could do more than just make a few people laugh on the internet. Maybe I could solve world hunger by building a two Godzilla sized tacos, one of ground beef and the other of tofu. I could accomplish two great goals, put on the greatest show ever witnessed and feed millions of starving people. Then all the inadequacy issues that have haunted me my whole life would just waft away. Nothing like an impossible fantasy to distract you from your crushing reality.
At first I was trying to monetize this thing and then try to make my living at it. But that just seems impossible honestly. Nobody wants to click a fucking clickbank link. Nobody wants to try any of that shit and I don't feel good about pushing it on people. I'm the only one that has clicked my Amazon ads and that was only to make sure that they were working. So maybe I need a new strategy for that kind of thing. Or maybe I should just write jokes and shut the fuck up about money. If someone thinks that I'm good enough, then I'll get paid. I'm not good or experienced enough yet, so that hasn't happened. There is no point in me trying to hork worthless shit onto my audience like a sleazy used car salesman.
I was hoping that this blog could be one aspect of my body of work as a comedian. I think it still will, because I have already made up my mind to devote the rest of my life to comedy and show business. I love laughter and making people laugh is my only goal. So if I stopped the blog it would not fix anything or make me feel any better about anything, it would be totally stupid. But a voice inside of me does say "Nah just quit dude, you suck we both know it." By that logic, if I really wanted to lose weight I guess I'd blog from a communist nation or the third world. Maybe starving to death would help me to appreciate my world a little better.
I'm not going to stop writing on this blog. I love it and I appreciate the people who read it. I have been in a rut like you wouldn't believe lately, so here's to getting out of that. If I can't climb out of it on my own, I'll go to the old stand by, 3 White Russians in the morning and 4 rounds of Scotch at night. Good night, Miss, good night. Or good morning, whenever you read this, here is an implied friendly greeting for whatever the fuck time it is where you are.
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