One thing you'll have to come to terms with when it comes to FREE MONEY is that obtaining money for free is a crime called theft. It's a sad thing to be honest, I'd love to show you where the free money grows. This way we could all roll it up and smoke it because it would be worthless at that point. Money is something you're paid in exchange for your professional skills and application thereof over a period of time. I just made that up based on what I think it is and I'm not going to Google it to make sure that I'm not stealing it. I mean, come on who really gives a fuck if two people have to same general definition of what payment is?
One thing to think about when it comes to payment is how fucking useless some skill sets are that people get paid for. If the best I could do was working the drive-thru at Wendy's then you better believe that I would be a rent-a-friend on the side. I might still become a rent-a-friend anyway. I'd make my personality so irresistible that everyone in town would hire me to hang out and let me walk their dogs and all kinds of shit. This is how you get money, and it's not free. Payment is something that is earned and that's pretty much all there is to it. More observant readers will note that there is more to this post and I assure you, it's well worth it to keep on reading.
Theft is a bit of a bitch move. Okay it's a huge bitch move because it shows that you aren't willing to work. How about we call this "Aimless bum can't hit the shitter." That might imply a sentient, separate entity from the human just walking around trying to find the toilet. Poop jokes really aren't my thing. How about "Unemployed man relapsed in his couch addiction." This one is because some people will make any excuse for why they won't get the fuck up and go back to work in order to earn some pay.
Sometimes people won't work because there isn't any work available to them. In those moments, you double your efforts in looking for work or start your freelancing career. Let's call it "Ambitious free-lancer will impale anyone." Now I'm imagining the same bum from earlier, not the sentient butt monstrosity but the guy addicted to the couch. He's went to the trouble of putting on a knight helmet and some sweat pants and goes around attacking people with a lance. What a fucking loon. Now imagine if it's all the same entity, butt monstrosity knight helmet and lance. This is perfect for my B-movie thriller that I have to write sometime before I die.
Now maybe you're furious that I click-baited you with this title, but I'm saving your life here. You don't want to go to jail my friend. If you're the kind of person that is willing to commit a crime to get your money for free but your only means for figuring that plan out is to look online, then you're in need of some assistance, one way or another. Thankfully, this isn't the dark web. Which means that obviously I'd be trolling you and not actually outlining how to steal.
You might sometimes get free money as a gift from your family or significant other. Maybe they can't think of what to get you on some gift giving occasion and they opt for money. This is the only circumstance in which money is free. Stealing, which is what the title of this post and the intent behind searching something like this is not free. You have to invest tons of time into planning the theft so that nobody ever finds out. The only thing is, somebody totally will find out. They always do, every time.
Committing a theft wastes your time and energy that could have gone into the building of something special in your own life. Deciding to opt for free money is an opportunity cost that you cannot afford. It's a cost that nobody can afford and one that the prison system wants to charge people for as much as possible.
So here's the kicker, sometimes you can legally get free money. This comes in the form of grants for all kinds of things online. This is an American thing so I don't know about the rest of the world but if you're American you might qualify. The website where you'll apply is something I'll leave to you to find out. I already saved your life earlier, I mean come on, how much greater can content be after something like that? You can also get free money from fafsa if you're going to college. This is only if you qualify for financial aid which has to do with your taxes and your parent's taxes and a bunch of other shit.
Now we've come to the segment of the show/blog post where I get a bit philosophical. I'm well aware that nobody gives a shit about what a community college drop out thinks about philosophy which is why I'm going to keep going anyway. When you take money that is given out for free, like grants and fafsa and all that shit, it's the government's money right? So who cares, fuck the government am I right? Wrong. The government has our money. We pay them to do nothing basically. Your hard working parents, family and friends have made it so that the government can contribute the grants and "free money" for kids in college.
What I'm getting at is that the money isn't free. Take it seriously because it's supposed to improve your life by helping you get an education. Unfortunately, I didn't do that when I was in college. I wish I would have understood back then how hard you have to work to make it and how much a good education can change someone's life. But I didn't understand because I didn't have the experience. If you're as young now as I was then, then you probably won't either and this post won't do anything to change that. But at least you kind of got your answer to How to get FREE MONEY. Thanks for reading and I'll see you on the next one, Cheers!
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