Short Funny Story: Advice Sources

Listening to the advice of a friend is totally optional. Friends come in varying degrees of importance and usefulness. If you have a friend that is a lot of fun to hang out with and do....cocaine with. Then this guy or gal might not have the best advice to contribute to your life.  

Listening to the advice of your family is totally optional. Some of us have fucked up families. You should still listen to what they are saying out of respect for who they are. But applying it to your life a whole other story. If your family is fucked up, or you are having to listen to advice from a fucked up family member, then you keep looking like you're listening but don't apply the shit. You don't want to end up like them. When people have done fucked up shit in the past, they are pretty likely to do fucked up shit later on. 

Listening to the advice of your video game mentor is absolutely essential. Without this wizardly old man or whatever he is in the game that you're playing, you aren't shit. Archsage Athos in Fire Emblem 7 was like that. There was no aspect of the plot that he didn't already know. He acted like he didn't know how the whole game was going to play out, but his every prediction was spot on. So how could he not? Dude was just humble. He verbally guides you through the whole game with cracking good advice. When you get to the final mission, he insists on joining your party so that you have a chance of beating the game. He has seen your squad and knows your stats. He knows that you're ass. He knows that your squad is ass. But the game still has to get beat. So if you saved yourself a Luna tome and you have a couple competent healers, Athos will guide your hips right to the ending credits.  

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPywZOYDSrzlPgQnsuMxDXg

Shot Glass Thought: Older Music is Relative

There are people in this world that act like T-Pain is unimaginably old music. I love the music of Al Bowly. So old is very relative to me. I'd listen to the modern adaptation of ancient Egyptian religious chanting. I'd listen to it and I'd have an opinion on it and that's really all that matters. Can you think of something that you don't have an opinion on? No, because that shit doesn't matter. I can't say that I don't have an opinion on tractors because that would be untrue. I have an uninteresting opinion on tractors because I don't care to know anything about them. So my opinion on tractors is that I don't find them interesting enough to merit learning about. I loved tractors as a kid. I admire people who love tractors. I think there is a simplicity to that sort of living that is very admirable. But I have other things to be doing, like frantically searching the internet for some kind of recreation of ancient Egyptian chanting and rituals. If I can find something in there that sounds like T-Pain then I believe I will have uncovered some universal truth about our world. So, gotta go.

Shot Glass Thought: How Much Apartment Do You Need?

Sometimes all you need to clear your head is a few seconds of motionless groaning on the couch. Everybody needs a couch or a bed that functions as a couch. If you have a couch, then anything can happen. You might make your first moves with your new chick and then when she says "let's take this to the bedroom.." Surprise! Your apartment is smaller than she thought, you guys can fuck right where you are. Now that's the kind of surprise that will tell you how important money is to her. If she couldn't tell that it was a run down studio apartment before, then she knows now. It's not even really a bedroom and a bathroom. It's more like a ....room that has a bed and a toilet. But really, you don't need much more than that.

https://www.youtube.com/user/eyegotskill

Comedy Story: Take A Breath Before Reading the News

Take a big deep breath, maybe three before you read the news. Taking deep breaths makes me feel better about anything. I don't know if it releases endorphins, but it feels like it does. When I drink a glass of diet Sunkist, I feel like endorphins must've been released. I feel even better when I take deep breaths. I feel great when I get my check from work. So I don't know where and when the spectrum of feeling begins or ends, but I love feeling good. Because I always feel like shit. That would be why I like the good so much. I always go down this rabbit hole, to the point that now it's more like a rattle snake pit where I occasionally dive in and wrestle the inhabitants. Because I'm immune to their poison after so much exposure I guess. Anyway....

 For something that is mandatory when it comes to wanting to know what the world around you is like, this sure is a hard thing to experience. I checked a general news feed, not a search, just a default news page. There were shootings, a rape and enough political nonsense to make anyone puke. I don't know what your politics are, but if you have politics then you are wrong. The idea is to not waste your life on bullshit, c'mon dude!! Or lady. I remember a terrible math teacher that I had once upon a time and she always talked politics. Wow very brave madame Bitch tits, spill your beliefs onto a group of kids that can't possible have a relevant perspective on what you're talking about. This applies to her politics and mathematics. 

We have to check the news because we need to know what is going on around us, but we also have to realize that the news is constantly lying to us. There is nobody out there with the benefit of the people as their only concern. Nobody has the best of intentions for us. We ain't shit to nobody. 

The general public is the thing that you sell to in order to make a lot of money. You can track them and their interests and sell that information to people that want to sell shit to the general public. You also need them to keep working or else they won't be able to afford anything. Then who would you sell too? Rich people? they don't buy anything that isn't going to make them more money later. Their house, clothes and shoes and even their choice of dinner napkins is calculated to turn over the most roi possible.

It seems like it's impossible for regular people to rise into the ranks of the rich. It feels like it's impossible to compete with the people that are at the top. It feels that way, because that's how it is. We can't hope to topple our modern day money empires because we don't all want to devote our lives to that shit. Most of us would snap after the first few months of the misery and then that would be it. One swan dive off your favorite skyscraper or cliff and you're out of there.

It's better to not be on top of the world. These things that people will die for, riches, glory and fame. It's not worth it. I can tell you that, but it doesn't really mean anything. If you want it, you should at least try for it. Just to experience that part of life. The hunt and pursuit of something greater than yourself. Even if the mission is just all about yourself. I am my favorite topic too, don't feel bad or selfish. Just take a few breaths before you do anything though. Doing so has kept my crazy ass from doing a lot of shit that could have been disastrous.

The kinds of things that put you into the warped, fucked up news feeds that we look at all the time. Take solace in the fact that it's always been this way. Humans are the problem of humans. We've always been raping, killing and enslaving each other. There is just no way around it, humans suck ass. 

https://www.youtube.com/user/eyegotskill

Shot Glass Thought: Being The Lion

I am a Leo. That means more to me than some of the other things that I have been called. All of the more memorable ones are not really repeatable because they require to much context. Don't worry, I'll eventually be divulging all of my awful dating experiences. I am usually the asshole that poops all over the relationship.

It all started when I decided that words really do have meaning and that we should observe and appreciate that meaning. Words like "I love you" should mean something. IF someone lays those words on you but doesn't contribute the necessary actions to prove the words are true, then they really need to have their every insecurity thrown in their face in the most vitriolic way possible.

That's obviously not true. Unless they deserve it. Then it's the only absolute truth in the universe. We are the kings and queens of our lives. We deserve better than to be lied to. If the best thing in the world really is love, then what kind of person lies about it? A pretty shit one in my opinion. I'm not of the mind to forget, but I'll forgive just about anything. I don't want to see some of the people I've forgiven ever again, but that doesn't mean that I wake up everyday in a heated rage panting about how I hate their guts. That stage usually wraps up within the first few months after the breakup. 

https://www.youtube.com/user/eyegotskill

Video Game Review: Mass Effect 3 WiiU (2012)

This is only a recent pickup for me as I was playing the entire trilogy on Xbox 360 back in the day.
The Mass Effect series has always appealed to me because it allows you to make friends with people that don't exist, who will love you unconditionally and will die for you if you ask them to. I mean, if that's not the highest quality escapism, then I don't know what is. You can even have sex with a bisexual blue alien lady. I'm still looking for someone out there to enact that fantasy with me in real life. 

This one is the final entry in the trilogy of ME games. But the rest of the series cannot be played on WiiU. So the experience as a whole is greatly diminished. But if you take the game for it's own merits, it's still pretty fun.

I love playing multiplayer in this game. It's a repetitive ass horde mode that nobody plays anymore. I'm serious, I've played with the same four people that still play this game on this console. The WiiU is a dead console but seriously. There are only five of us out here still trying to win the war. But it's still fun.

The shooting sounds and feels great on every gun. The powers are awesome and figuring out how to build your character in order to do the most damage possible is a great time. The main story has amazing music and plenty of great missions. The reapers feel unstoppable, like an unknowable force from deep space that rains down terror on the masses. That's because they are that, but just saying it is not enough. These are enemies that we waited to duke it out with for 2 other long ass games. They are awesome and always a pleasure to kill.

Some of you have heard about the crappy ending. I don't really care about the ending, because I loved the games for what they were on their own. I only play games to have fun. This is a fun game with a disappointing ending. But if you didn't take the time to get to know all of the characters and love them with all your heart, then the ending will not matter. You'll just have enjoyed a really good game. So take my word for what it's worth and give this classic a revisit. If you want to play with me on WiiU then my tag is legendoeddiebob. It's a really stupid name but it always makes me laugh when I say it out loud.


https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPywZOYDSrzlPgQnsuMxDXg?view_as=subscriber

Shot Glass Thoughts: Waiting For Assistance

I find myself getting drunk when I don't want to anything else besides get drunk. Upon arriving at shit faced town is when I really want to go across town and get a bunch of shit done. I can't tolerate being alive is why I like to get drunk like this. I think if you don't understand where I'm coming from, then you haven't suffered nearly enough yet in life. Life is hard and there is just no way around that. No matter how good work is going, no matter how passionate you might be about what you're doing, you could still be pining for the chance to blow your brains out at any time. 

That's just how life is, I go to work and spread laughter and smiles all day. And approximately 17 minutes after I leave work I start to feel like I should probably just off myself. It doesn't matter how I do it, it just matters that I think about it every day and that it doesn't matter. If it did or does matter, I wouldn't know. because I can't understand love, forgiveness or leading a meaningful life. All I know is that I've never been a okay and in the meantime I want to make people laugh about that.

So you could say that I'm waiting on assistance. I really want to go across town to Mcdonald's and then pick up some cream cicle ice cream for my apartment. But I don't want to drink and drive because that would end up killing someone else. I only want me to die. At least, that's what probably more than half of my psyche is telling me. "Maybe you should talk to someone?" Nah I don't want to waste their time. "But that's why they are there!" I don't care how other people choose to waste their life, I only want to tell jokes about my penis and play the Mass Effect trilogy over and over until they make another good one.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPywZOYDSrzlPgQnsuMxDXg?view_as=subscriber