I find myself getting drunk when I don't want to anything else besides get drunk. Upon arriving at shit faced town is when I really want to go across town and get a bunch of shit done. I can't tolerate being alive is why I like to get drunk like this. I think if you don't understand where I'm coming from, then you haven't suffered nearly enough yet in life. Life is hard and there is just no way around that. No matter how good work is going, no matter how passionate you might be about what you're doing, you could still be pining for the chance to blow your brains out at any time.
That's just how life is, I go to work and spread laughter and smiles all day. And approximately 17 minutes after I leave work I start to feel like I should probably just off myself. It doesn't matter how I do it, it just matters that I think about it every day and that it doesn't matter. If it did or does matter, I wouldn't know. because I can't understand love, forgiveness or leading a meaningful life. All I know is that I've never been a okay and in the meantime I want to make people laugh about that.
So you could say that I'm waiting on assistance. I really want to go across town to Mcdonald's and then pick up some cream cicle ice cream for my apartment. But I don't want to drink and drive because that would end up killing someone else. I only want me to die. At least, that's what probably more than half of my psyche is telling me. "Maybe you should talk to someone?" Nah I don't want to waste their time. "But that's why they are there!" I don't care how other people choose to waste their life, I only want to tell jokes about my penis and play the Mass Effect trilogy over and over until they make another good one.
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