The Answers: What Does NSFW mean?
NSFW stands for not suitable for work. It means that there will be some form of explicit Adult content featured. So, don't open any email with this in the subject line at work as it will get you into some kind of trouble. Also, maybe don't be friends with somebody creepy enough that they'll be sending you shit like this when you're at work. If they send it to you on your work email then that's on you. Why are you handing out your work email to every creep that you meet? Alternatively, if you are trying to get out of the terrible job that you currently have then do hand out your work email to every creep that you meet and open every NSFW email. You'll be fired in no time!
The Answers: What Does asmr Mean?
Asmr stands for autonomous sensory meridian response. What it feels like is a tingling sensation that starts on the scalp and then travels to the neck and upper spine. When you watch videos on YouTube with asmr in the title it means that you are wasting your life. I should make a video on YouTube about how to not waste your life. The advice I would give in it wouldn't be very helpful as I don't know how to avoid wasting your life. I just do it so naturally. Asmr stuff creeps me out, it's always awkward whispering, clicking, lisping words and other weird scrapey noises. But some people love it. I clicked one video of asmr typing noises in order to experience it for myself and now my feed is covered up in them. Thanks YouTube. Most people who love asmr recommend you wear headphones in order to get the real experience. I don't wear headphones for noises that aren't music unless it's to better listen to two blonde bimbos eating each other's muff in a low definition video. I prefer to have this experience in the handicap stall of a Wal-Mart bathroom, but that's just me.
Jokes: 3 One(or more) Liners That Bring People Together
1. In an honesty poll, day time TV hosts, your lawyer and self help gurus were voted to be the most honest people in our lives. The only participates in the poll were the distant acquaintances that try to talk you into their latest pyramid scheme on Facebook.
2. Hypnosis is trending up right now with some cash only practitioners willing to perform the service in your own home, or pretty much anywhere. Some participants claim that they have experienced great spiritual journeys while being hypnotized. However, the police maintain that this new trend is the easiest way to get yourself raped.
3. Opening up to your family about your mental illness struggles has been voted the number one way to find out which members of your family are fucking retarded. Not surprisingly, the number one result was the child rapist preacher in your family.
2. Hypnosis is trending up right now with some cash only practitioners willing to perform the service in your own home, or pretty much anywhere. Some participants claim that they have experienced great spiritual journeys while being hypnotized. However, the police maintain that this new trend is the easiest way to get yourself raped.
3. Opening up to your family about your mental illness struggles has been voted the number one way to find out which members of your family are fucking retarded. Not surprisingly, the number one result was the child rapist preacher in your family.
Jokes: 4 One(or more) Liners For the Rebellious Elderly Crowd
1. Recently, a Russian warship was thought to be aggressively stalking a US Navy ship while out on the high seas. Turns out, the US warship planned on meeting the Russian warship for lunch but then cancelled last minute only to be seen having lunch with a Chinese warship on the same day. The Russian warship only wanted to catch up with the US Navy ship in order to "Sort things out." The US warship told us "I need my space...he can't keep freaking out like this all the time, I mean..oh my gawd." The US navy ship then rolled her eyes and told us "ttyl".
2. A man was arrested for possession of crack cocaine and was protesting his innocence by citing the fact that some people possess medical marijuana cards. Advocates from the Free the Crack movement support the man and say that it is the right of every American to ruin their life and disappoint their parents.
3. Milk consumption has been trending down in America which has led to failing of several major milk companies. More and more milk consumers are transitioning to the more authentic practice of suckling at the actual teet of cows. Supporters of the movement hope that the practice becomes mainstream as then they would be able to claim that they did it first.
4. Mindfulness continues to make headlines as a treatment for depression. However, mindfulness is the doing of nothing, while thinking about nothing. Sufferers of depression unanimously agree "We're already doing that."
2. A man was arrested for possession of crack cocaine and was protesting his innocence by citing the fact that some people possess medical marijuana cards. Advocates from the Free the Crack movement support the man and say that it is the right of every American to ruin their life and disappoint their parents.
3. Milk consumption has been trending down in America which has led to failing of several major milk companies. More and more milk consumers are transitioning to the more authentic practice of suckling at the actual teet of cows. Supporters of the movement hope that the practice becomes mainstream as then they would be able to claim that they did it first.
4. Mindfulness continues to make headlines as a treatment for depression. However, mindfulness is the doing of nothing, while thinking about nothing. Sufferers of depression unanimously agree "We're already doing that."
The Answers: What Do I Look Like?
The simple answer, most would think, is to look in a mirror. But this doesn't always give people the right information. There are plenty of people in the world with BDD which is short for body dysmorphic disorder. You'll need to see a psychiatrist to get over that one if you have an obsessive perceived flaw with your body. If you're asking what do I look like? As in, does my appearance have similarities to other people, places or things. Well, that's a great opportunity. Maybe it's time for your own custom clothes and tattoos based on what you want to look like. A haircut similar to your favorite celebrity or some shit like that. Looks aren't all that important if you have someone that loves you. Now you could be like me, without that person. But it still doesn't matter too much because people can love almost anyone. So if you want me to tell you what you look like, well, probably fine. You probably look fine and if you don't, don't send me evidence to the contrary. I want to imagine that you're fine. Oh you think I'm hiding from the truth by not wanting to be exposed to the harsh realities of the world? Yes, I am. You nailed it. Let's all be fine or pretend like we're fine.
The Answers: What Does XD Mean?
Hello grandparents and folks raised by wild animals only to have recently been reintroduced to the world. XD is a symbol for laughing when messaging folks. Basically it is what it looks like, you close your eyes when you laugh really hard and this is what that looks like. I just had a flashback to a beautiful blonder haired girl from my past and I'm wondering now why I'm such a fuck up. Because she isn't hear to see me explain text symbols on the internet. What a sad moment I'm having right now. Guess I'll binge eat some Chickin' Biscuit crackers and drink Blackberry flavored ginger ale. Long live the king! Me I mean. I'm the King!
The Answers: What Does smh Mean?
Well I'll tell you, smh stands for shaking my head. This shortening of a phrase is used primarily in text messages in order to express disapproval. It's been around for as long as I've had a phone so probably over 10 years I guess? Anyway for the grandparent that is reading this and finally finding out what it means when their grand kids text them "Papa farted and fell asleep in his recliner smh." Welcome to my comedy blog! I don't know if I can appeal to older audiences but I will do my best. I have a good number of one-liners on here now and I'm told that that form of comedy is archaic and irrelevant but when I do stand-up I only do one-liners and I totally eat my tits on stage. Just kidding, the one-liners do great! I haven't had much success with longer jokes yet so I'll keep you posted when those start landing for me.
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