The Answers: What Does XD Mean?
Hello grandparents and folks raised by wild animals only to have recently been reintroduced to the world. XD is a symbol for laughing when messaging folks. Basically it is what it looks like, you close your eyes when you laugh really hard and this is what that looks like. I just had a flashback to a beautiful blonder haired girl from my past and I'm wondering now why I'm such a fuck up. Because she isn't hear to see me explain text symbols on the internet. What a sad moment I'm having right now. Guess I'll binge eat some Chickin' Biscuit crackers and drink Blackberry flavored ginger ale. Long live the king! Me I mean. I'm the King!
The Answers: What Does smh Mean?
Well I'll tell you, smh stands for shaking my head. This shortening of a phrase is used primarily in text messages in order to express disapproval. It's been around for as long as I've had a phone so probably over 10 years I guess? Anyway for the grandparent that is reading this and finally finding out what it means when their grand kids text them "Papa farted and fell asleep in his recliner smh." Welcome to my comedy blog! I don't know if I can appeal to older audiences but I will do my best. I have a good number of one-liners on here now and I'm told that that form of comedy is archaic and irrelevant but when I do stand-up I only do one-liners and I totally eat my tits on stage. Just kidding, the one-liners do great! I haven't had much success with longer jokes yet so I'll keep you posted when those start landing for me.
The Answers: What is a Joke?
A joke is anything that is said for written with the intent to bring about laughter in an audience. They typically follow some form of setup+punchline=Hahaha. This is pretty much the extent of my knowledge of math. If you make your friends laugh, then you're funny. If you make strangers laugh, you probably just fell and dropped all your stuff in public. It happens. If your ambition is to learn someway to be funny consistently and to make a living at it, well you want to be a comedian. The question posed in the title was answered in the first two sentences. But I kept going because I think that I'm just hysterically funny.
Let's be comedians. All of the folks out there that have been discouraged from doing what they really want, joking about their insecurities in front of strangers, let's get together and give it a shot. Read the right books, study and make notes. Study your favorite comics, give it some kind of a shot. If you've thought about doing it, then you probably are really funny. I'm ready to spend the rest of my life on funny because I've come to terms with that being who and what I am. Doesn't matter how long it takes to see some kind of "results", the only results I'm looking for are laughs. Who knows how long you have to live? At least give your dreams a chance to happen.
Let's be comedians. All of the folks out there that have been discouraged from doing what they really want, joking about their insecurities in front of strangers, let's get together and give it a shot. Read the right books, study and make notes. Study your favorite comics, give it some kind of a shot. If you've thought about doing it, then you probably are really funny. I'm ready to spend the rest of my life on funny because I've come to terms with that being who and what I am. Doesn't matter how long it takes to see some kind of "results", the only results I'm looking for are laughs. Who knows how long you have to live? At least give your dreams a chance to happen.
Comedy Story: A Summary of the News
Today I've got some updates for you and a general summary of the news. From the Council of Matters Pertaining to Gloom and or Doom, the best way to be kind to yourself during terminal illness? Suicide. The best way to be kind to yourself during chronic illness? Talk to a therapist, take your meds and remember that the world has turned it's back on you. High profile criminals in isolation chambers that get blasted into space for the rest of the galaxy to deal with are not as alone as you are. Also, mindfulness can help to put things into perspective, such as your unyielding solitude.
The biggest math convention in the world just wrapped up in Dayton, Ohio on Saturday. The event proved once and for all that even if nobody sees the event happen, it did still happen. One would think that this development will shed more light on falling trees in the woods and the sounds that they make.
Iran came clean about shooting down a Ukrainian plane full of Iranians and Iranian-Canadians. Their prior stance was "Nuh uh." Upon learning that the plane was full of Iranians and Iranian-Canadians Minister of Terrorist Activities, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei admitted "ah fuck...well...probably all infidels anyway."
President Trump warned Iran to stop killing their protesters. My gender fluid, white neighbor who is pursuing a BFA in pottery and already has over $100,000 in student loan debt believes that this is a bit too judgmental on Trump's part as he has in fact said rude things about women in the past.
"Am I an alcoholic?" is the number one search phrase for first time dramatic underage drunk teenagers and Barefoot guzzling basic bitches in college. The least likely to search the phrase? Homeless drunks on the side of the road.
The biggest math convention in the world just wrapped up in Dayton, Ohio on Saturday. The event proved once and for all that even if nobody sees the event happen, it did still happen. One would think that this development will shed more light on falling trees in the woods and the sounds that they make.
Iran came clean about shooting down a Ukrainian plane full of Iranians and Iranian-Canadians. Their prior stance was "Nuh uh." Upon learning that the plane was full of Iranians and Iranian-Canadians Minister of Terrorist Activities, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei admitted "ah fuck...well...probably all infidels anyway."
President Trump warned Iran to stop killing their protesters. My gender fluid, white neighbor who is pursuing a BFA in pottery and already has over $100,000 in student loan debt believes that this is a bit too judgmental on Trump's part as he has in fact said rude things about women in the past.
"Am I an alcoholic?" is the number one search phrase for first time dramatic underage drunk teenagers and Barefoot guzzling basic bitches in college. The least likely to search the phrase? Homeless drunks on the side of the road.
The Answers: What Does Comedy Mean?
Comedy is a practice and a skill. A complex set of always changing minor rules that all bow down to one rule: Get Laughs. That is it and all that it will ever be for the comedian. Sure it's a way of life and a mission, a goal, an ambition. But it's the laughter that is important. That is the service of the comedian. To be good at getting laughs. It's a hard thing for smart people in bad situations to laugh. So there need to be skilled comedians that can help them get there. I don't know about everyone else, but the moments where I felt like there could surely be nothing worth laughing about were the moments where I felt closest to death. The times that followed soon after where I did laugh, laughed hard and lovingly at something that I found to be truly funny. Those were some glorious moments. Like being brought back to life. Laughter makes the burdens of our lives a little lighter. So Comedy, is the practice of getting laughs, to make our burdens a little lighter.
Jokes: 4 Jokes That Prove Comedy Exists
1. Recent studies conducted by the saddest researchers on Earth find that people who "bravely post" on social media about mental illness, actually care the least about it. Even falling behind Crips, Bloods and Neo Nazi's. All of whom at least acknowledged that they live a very stressful lifestyle which might lead to "A mufucka cracking."
2. Family and friends mourn the loss of social activist Phoebe Steele. Steele's mission in life was to make contact with isolated cannibal tribes and introduce them to modern world so that they could become lawyers and doctors and enjoy the many amenities of the modern world. Reportedly, minutes after making contact with the tribe leader she was brutally killed and eaten.
3. Archaeologists have come to the conclusion that the most fun thing that ancient man did was have sex, or if his woman wasn't in the mood, he would put on his reading glasses and crack open a good book for the evening. Nah, actually he would rape her with bits of under-cooked mammoth meat still clinging to his beard.
4. The Institute of Desperate Decision Making believes they have found a solution to an overly stressful and cluttered life. They recommend that you request less hours at work, sell all your worldly possessions and then drive yourself off a cliff after a Las Vegas gambling binge.
2. Family and friends mourn the loss of social activist Phoebe Steele. Steele's mission in life was to make contact with isolated cannibal tribes and introduce them to modern world so that they could become lawyers and doctors and enjoy the many amenities of the modern world. Reportedly, minutes after making contact with the tribe leader she was brutally killed and eaten.
3. Archaeologists have come to the conclusion that the most fun thing that ancient man did was have sex, or if his woman wasn't in the mood, he would put on his reading glasses and crack open a good book for the evening. Nah, actually he would rape her with bits of under-cooked mammoth meat still clinging to his beard.
4. The Institute of Desperate Decision Making believes they have found a solution to an overly stressful and cluttered life. They recommend that you request less hours at work, sell all your worldly possessions and then drive yourself off a cliff after a Las Vegas gambling binge.
Jokes: 3 One(or more) Liners That Can Repair The Ozone
1. Yesterday at a poetry slam in downtown Asheville, sentient words come to life and crushed a man, finally disproving that old bit about sticks and stones. One witness claimed that the man's soul could be seen "Falling, falling and drop...run run running away. Frolicking, a time to play."
2. With the world set to explode into yet another world war, some insiders believe the best political and military minds might be sharing their expertise unintentionally by arguing in the comment sections of their Facebook statuses.
3. Nearly 400 pounds of Marijuana was found abandoned near a small farming town in the Colorado. The only tragedies here are that nobody will get to smoke it and that somebody had to weigh it.
2. With the world set to explode into yet another world war, some insiders believe the best political and military minds might be sharing their expertise unintentionally by arguing in the comment sections of their Facebook statuses.
3. Nearly 400 pounds of Marijuana was found abandoned near a small farming town in the Colorado. The only tragedies here are that nobody will get to smoke it and that somebody had to weigh it.
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