Comedy Story: You Cannot Stay Younger For Longer

Anything that tells you that it will help you "stay younger for longer" is total bullshit. If you sit fruit on a table and just revisit it ever so often over the next few weeks, you'll see a perfect example of why attempting to stay young is pointless. Because fruit, like motherfuckers, gets old.

Motherfuckers, of which I and all my friends surely are, get old. This is one of our most simple truths. This is one of the reasons why everyone needs a childhood pet. You love the guy, take care of her as best you can and then one day your dad carelessly crushes her under his truck. My personal trauma aside, you learn that as the years go by it gets harder and harder for the old girl to dodge your idiot father's truck. There are things that we could have done to keep her old bones more limber, but basically my dad needed to care enough to slow the fuck down and look around from time to time. If you ask someone to give a fuck, when they obviously care about nothing, you're just wasting your time....and then burying your dog.

Beauty products are bullshit with bullshit marketing and bullshit ingredients and they tell you to smear the bullshit all over your face and body. The only thing you need is some basic lotion and you use it ever so often or as needed. You shouldn't look young when you are not young. If you're old as shit, you should be fucking people that are old as shit. You don't have anything in common with younger people. And younger people should fuck young people. You don't have anything in common with old people. You could relate to how they love how much money they have and how you would love to share in that love, but you are young and they are not. To the young and the old crowd, Don't fuck each other, it's fucking weird!

I read some bullshit about how if you walk faster you will retain your mind and health better as you get older. My grandmother blitzed around at a break neck pace for an old lady. That was before Alzheimers destroyed her mind. She ate healthy her whole life and stayed active too. And yet, no dice. She got old. Motherfuckers, of which my dear Mammaw was not one, get old. But sweet little fleet footed ladies get old too.

So that was it for the comedy story. I know this is a little shorter than usual for a comedy story but I think it's a complete enough piece. Complete in that when I was asking myself where else should I go with this topic, I came to the conclusion that there wasn't any other avenue that I wanted to explore. Maybe I should never make that conclusion and should have a standard measure for my different types of content. Let me know what you think about that in the comments. I love to keep the spirit of experimentation in my work.