Gruff super model cornering the market of bearded lady fashion.
Hedonistic principle smoking all the cigarettes he confiscates.
Visionary 2 year old philosopher tears the pages out of modern philosophy book.
Incompetent waitress asks table if they can read her writing.
Infamous diabetic known mostly for his raps, has the biggest fan base of white college students of any artist.
Intolerant host now hosting party for none, depression for one.
Naive kitchen staff thinks someone gives a fuck that they aren't serving breakfast right now.
Nobody knows what the truly obsessive bartender's drinks taste like because he always gives up and starts over.
Megalomaniac bus driver believes one day he'll own all the pocket change.
Heart-warming love story ends with marriage for 2 porn site commenters.
Jokes: 8 Sketchy Dark Jokes From a Guy Who Doesn't Draw
Lung cancer patient addicted to coughing, not cigarettes.
I have hurt myself while drinking alcohol but only because it makes me want to run on the treadmill...obviously, without the safety belt.
Audacious southern preacher claims swearing to be a first class ticket to Hell while also ruining his congregation by instigating petty squabbles.
Bigoted liberal insists on destroying poor neighborhoods with handouts instead of advocating increases in education funding.
Selfish conservative doesn't care enough to notice poor neighborhood or maniacal bigoted liberal.
Wrote those last two jokes because a deranged anarchist picked the lock on my front door.
To be honest, the deranged anarchist is probably just me but in a delusion. To be clear, I do hate both sides of the political isle. So, both of you can find unity in hating me back. I could give a fuck less. Plus, it's what our first president would have wanted. The unity part, not the hating of a comedian.
Two good friends of mine have taken up smoking and I can't figure out why. When I want to kill myself I Google "Cliffs near me" because, why not make it quick? Smoking and cancer takes forever and really, really hurts. Shooting over the railing at 99 miles per hour and crashing in catastrophic fashion at the bottom of a ravine only hurts once and not for very long.
That was 8 Sketchy Dark Jokes From a Guy Who Doesn't Draw. I used to draw and maybe I should again. It is great for stress relief. Though, so is writing dark jokes. Two of my friends are having a drawing contest challenge thing. It's been great to watch because one of them is discovering a new passion and the other one is demonstrating step-by-step how to half ass something that is supposedly your passion. Maybe that should be in my next The Answers post. Those things take time, so don't expect it soon. Anyway, thanks for reading and cheers!
I have hurt myself while drinking alcohol but only because it makes me want to run on the treadmill...obviously, without the safety belt.
Audacious southern preacher claims swearing to be a first class ticket to Hell while also ruining his congregation by instigating petty squabbles.
Bigoted liberal insists on destroying poor neighborhoods with handouts instead of advocating increases in education funding.
Selfish conservative doesn't care enough to notice poor neighborhood or maniacal bigoted liberal.
Wrote those last two jokes because a deranged anarchist picked the lock on my front door.
To be honest, the deranged anarchist is probably just me but in a delusion. To be clear, I do hate both sides of the political isle. So, both of you can find unity in hating me back. I could give a fuck less. Plus, it's what our first president would have wanted. The unity part, not the hating of a comedian.
Two good friends of mine have taken up smoking and I can't figure out why. When I want to kill myself I Google "Cliffs near me" because, why not make it quick? Smoking and cancer takes forever and really, really hurts. Shooting over the railing at 99 miles per hour and crashing in catastrophic fashion at the bottom of a ravine only hurts once and not for very long.
That was 8 Sketchy Dark Jokes From a Guy Who Doesn't Draw. I used to draw and maybe I should again. It is great for stress relief. Though, so is writing dark jokes. Two of my friends are having a drawing contest challenge thing. It's been great to watch because one of them is discovering a new passion and the other one is demonstrating step-by-step how to half ass something that is supposedly your passion. Maybe that should be in my next The Answers post. Those things take time, so don't expect it soon. Anyway, thanks for reading and cheers!
Jokes: 12 Short Jokes Detailing the Flaws we all Love
Practical serial killer waiting for victims to die down. Prefers pushing them off ledges.
Rebellious student expelled for going to the bathroom without permission.
On second thought, that last joke probably has happened many times. God I hated school.
Sadistic husband rips flowers from their roots and ties them together before half drowning them and giving them to his co-conspiring wife.
Soft-hearted general only seeking to annihilate every able bodied man among the enemy, no women, children or the elderly.
Solemn cheerleader only believes in doing her D.U.T.Y.
Theatrical custodian paying his way through art school always said "It's never too late to paint a different picture." Unfortunately slipped and fell down 7 flights of stairs while dancing to the beat of his own symphony.
Weak willed steroid abuser unwilling to amputate his own nutsack for doctor prescribed testosterone. Coach demands "A much higher level of commitment."
Unlucky gambler only able to win the lottery one time after many, many attempts.
Trouble making doctor always looking for something to go wrong.
Timid New York driver only honking 5 times per minute.
Impatient martyr self immolates in too much of a hurry to get to Hell.
That was 12 Short Jokes Detailing the Flaws we all Love. Some of them were dark jokes and some of them weren't really dark at all. So, depending on what you've come to expect from my content, perhaps this could have been much darker. Or, maybe you'd prefer less dark humor. Let me know in the comments and don't forget to share this on social media. Thanks for reading, cheers!
Rebellious student expelled for going to the bathroom without permission.
On second thought, that last joke probably has happened many times. God I hated school.
Sadistic husband rips flowers from their roots and ties them together before half drowning them and giving them to his co-conspiring wife.
Soft-hearted general only seeking to annihilate every able bodied man among the enemy, no women, children or the elderly.
Solemn cheerleader only believes in doing her D.U.T.Y.
Theatrical custodian paying his way through art school always said "It's never too late to paint a different picture." Unfortunately slipped and fell down 7 flights of stairs while dancing to the beat of his own symphony.
Weak willed steroid abuser unwilling to amputate his own nutsack for doctor prescribed testosterone. Coach demands "A much higher level of commitment."
Unlucky gambler only able to win the lottery one time after many, many attempts.
Trouble making doctor always looking for something to go wrong.
Timid New York driver only honking 5 times per minute.
Impatient martyr self immolates in too much of a hurry to get to Hell.
That was 12 Short Jokes Detailing the Flaws we all Love. Some of them were dark jokes and some of them weren't really dark at all. So, depending on what you've come to expect from my content, perhaps this could have been much darker. Or, maybe you'd prefer less dark humor. Let me know in the comments and don't forget to share this on social media. Thanks for reading, cheers!
Jokes: 11 Short Jokes Detailing our Modern World
Cruel preacher continues speaking for a living in spite of grating voice. Similar to the Inquisition, believes he is doing God's work.
Childish president dependent on drama for survival, brings to mind high school cheerleaders.
Deranged man frantically posting politically charged Facebook posts believes someone is actually reading them.
Egotistical garbage man confused about the nature of his work.
Fanatical blogger desperately trying to impress strangers with middle school writing skills.
I'll leave room for all of you in the comments below to claim that the last joke was about me. ;)
Fearsome competitors prepare themselves for National Milk Chugging Contest this Thursday at 2pm.
Flirty Hell's Angel retires from crime to start a baking business. Thinks it will help him to "Meet gu-chicks... I mean, tons of bitches."
Hoity-toity judge leaving courtroom unsure of verdicts. Says justice is "More about the journey and not the destination."
Illiterate mayor elected after decades of school budget cuts.
Judgmental bartender now finding work as dishwasher.
So that's 11 short jokes detailing our modern world. Tell me below how much I missed the mark on this post or share it on social media and tell everyone you know how much I missed the mark! Then you would look super smart and you'd definitely be making a difference in the world. After all, we all know that real heroes post shit on Facebook.
Childish president dependent on drama for survival, brings to mind high school cheerleaders.
Deranged man frantically posting politically charged Facebook posts believes someone is actually reading them.
Egotistical garbage man confused about the nature of his work.
Fanatical blogger desperately trying to impress strangers with middle school writing skills.
I'll leave room for all of you in the comments below to claim that the last joke was about me. ;)
Fearsome competitors prepare themselves for National Milk Chugging Contest this Thursday at 2pm.
Flirty Hell's Angel retires from crime to start a baking business. Thinks it will help him to "Meet gu-chicks... I mean, tons of bitches."
Hoity-toity judge leaving courtroom unsure of verdicts. Says justice is "More about the journey and not the destination."
Illiterate mayor elected after decades of school budget cuts.
Judgmental bartender now finding work as dishwasher.
So that's 11 short jokes detailing our modern world. Tell me below how much I missed the mark on this post or share it on social media and tell everyone you know how much I missed the mark! Then you would look super smart and you'd definitely be making a difference in the world. After all, we all know that real heroes post shit on Facebook.
Jokes: 12 Short Jokes That I Wrote with my Mama
Experts afraid to raise the original Titanic as it might offend Poseidon.
Paramedic turned drug dealer excellent at reviving clientele.
Drunken preacher prone to shouting in pulpit and the bar.
Lying electrician shocked at false voltage reading.
Lazy cleaning man washed away in a sea of filth.
Blunt sword only effective in stabbing feelings.
Selfish nun wants all the blessings to herself.
Lazy ant ostracized after proving to be the rich white kid of the group.
Shallow monk only concerned with covering bald spot.
Absent-minded astronaut ends up high, but not in space.
Abusive psychiatrist always bringing shit up.
Aimless sniper always missing the mark, blames falsehoods of reality.
This is a list of 12 short jokes that I wrote with the help of my Mama. She doesn't want writing credits because she thinks these jokes are mean. LOL
Paramedic turned drug dealer excellent at reviving clientele.
Drunken preacher prone to shouting in pulpit and the bar.
Lying electrician shocked at false voltage reading.
Lazy cleaning man washed away in a sea of filth.
Blunt sword only effective in stabbing feelings.
Selfish nun wants all the blessings to herself.
Lazy ant ostracized after proving to be the rich white kid of the group.
Shallow monk only concerned with covering bald spot.
Absent-minded astronaut ends up high, but not in space.
Abusive psychiatrist always bringing shit up.
Aimless sniper always missing the mark, blames falsehoods of reality.
This is a list of 12 short jokes that I wrote with the help of my Mama. She doesn't want writing credits because she thinks these jokes are mean. LOL
Jokes: 7 Short Jokes to Smirk at During Your Next Boring Meeting
Assisted Suicide Inc. is offering new flavors of bleach to make your last drink delicious.
Spent the last 2-3 hours laying in bed wanting to get up and be very funny. Technically, this sentence took about 3 hours to write. It's good for somebody that I don't charge by the hour.
Sleep addict reports feeling rested. Family worries this is a sign of relapse.
Philandering cat lady makes home wi-fi password Pusslord.
Open minded hobo sex addict giving up fingering for thumbing rides.
Judging from the black eye on my neighbor they are a swinging couple with only one swinger.
Lumbering giant monster found scaring people in the dark on local college campus. Turns out it was a 6'5 autistic man dressed as a hedgehog.
Our first joke was one of the finest dark jokes in all the land. If Dark Souls were a 2hr long comedy special, that joke would've been about a bleach filled estus flask or something. These short jokes with hints of dark humor are fun to write and even more fun to share. So send them out to anyone you can. Thanks for reading and I'll see you on the next one!
Spent the last 2-3 hours laying in bed wanting to get up and be very funny. Technically, this sentence took about 3 hours to write. It's good for somebody that I don't charge by the hour.
Sleep addict reports feeling rested. Family worries this is a sign of relapse.
Philandering cat lady makes home wi-fi password Pusslord.
Open minded hobo sex addict giving up fingering for thumbing rides.
Judging from the black eye on my neighbor they are a swinging couple with only one swinger.
Lumbering giant monster found scaring people in the dark on local college campus. Turns out it was a 6'5 autistic man dressed as a hedgehog.
Our first joke was one of the finest dark jokes in all the land. If Dark Souls were a 2hr long comedy special, that joke would've been about a bleach filled estus flask or something. These short jokes with hints of dark humor are fun to write and even more fun to share. So send them out to anyone you can. Thanks for reading and I'll see you on the next one!
Shot Glass Thought: Where is My Life Going?
This was the topic of discussion for me and two good friends of mine. I had pretty much the same conversation on two separate occasions recently. The two friends which I love very much do not know each other and they weren't present for both conversations. Only I was there for both conversations about the meaning and purpose of a life. It is my opinion that our greatest accomplishments and contributions are reflections of our souls. To secure these powerful accomplishments, we must look for the thing that only we can contribute.
If I am to live a full life, one that can send me to my dying day with no regrets, then I must find the one thing that only I can perfectly do. I must be transcendent in my accomplishment in this regard. There is nothing else in my life that is as important as this singular task. Sometimes, people find more than one of these kinds of tasks. Some people are so great that they can complete multiple life defining tasks. All that I know that I must do right now is this: "Austin brought joy to the world." That's what I see as my mission. I cannot unsee this task and I don't want to have something else. I find that this mission is perfectly suitable and I believe that I am up to the task of completing it.
There are many issues and problems of various different natures that make completing these tasks difficult. One of them is having enough money. Maybe I'm not good enough at the skills that are required to complete my task at a transcendent level. Maybe I have a drinking problem, or I'm too depressed. There are many obstacles. Maybe I won't make it to the heights that I am supposed to achieve. But when I go to die, I will have loved wisdom. I will have brought joy to those that I could. I will have loved and been loved. My contributions will have been the results of my best efforts however short I may fall from completing the task. Or maybe I will be a resounding success. I cannot know these things because they are final. I am operating in the space of what will happen and not what has happened.
If I can, with all that I am, be able to bring joy to the world. I do mean the entire world. To get laughs in every country around the world. To put smiles on the faces of the downtrodden, I will have realized my mission and completed it. Whatever monetary rewards should follow from such a feat will be secondary. Perhaps I will die before I ever see the rewards of such a task. This does not matter because bringing joy to others will have been my mission and in that I will have been fulfilled. If I should see it done and draw my last breath, I will be a happy man. Come what may, this is where my life is going.
If I am to live a full life, one that can send me to my dying day with no regrets, then I must find the one thing that only I can perfectly do. I must be transcendent in my accomplishment in this regard. There is nothing else in my life that is as important as this singular task. Sometimes, people find more than one of these kinds of tasks. Some people are so great that they can complete multiple life defining tasks. All that I know that I must do right now is this: "Austin brought joy to the world." That's what I see as my mission. I cannot unsee this task and I don't want to have something else. I find that this mission is perfectly suitable and I believe that I am up to the task of completing it.
There are many issues and problems of various different natures that make completing these tasks difficult. One of them is having enough money. Maybe I'm not good enough at the skills that are required to complete my task at a transcendent level. Maybe I have a drinking problem, or I'm too depressed. There are many obstacles. Maybe I won't make it to the heights that I am supposed to achieve. But when I go to die, I will have loved wisdom. I will have brought joy to those that I could. I will have loved and been loved. My contributions will have been the results of my best efforts however short I may fall from completing the task. Or maybe I will be a resounding success. I cannot know these things because they are final. I am operating in the space of what will happen and not what has happened.
If I can, with all that I am, be able to bring joy to the world. I do mean the entire world. To get laughs in every country around the world. To put smiles on the faces of the downtrodden, I will have realized my mission and completed it. Whatever monetary rewards should follow from such a feat will be secondary. Perhaps I will die before I ever see the rewards of such a task. This does not matter because bringing joy to others will have been my mission and in that I will have been fulfilled. If I should see it done and draw my last breath, I will be a happy man. Come what may, this is where my life is going.
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