Comedy Apprentice Contributor: Cooter Dwyane Delmonty Introduction

Howdy yall, I'm Cooter Dwyane Delmonty. Lotta people call me CD. You can always catch ole CD on the CB if you know what I mean. I read Comedy Apprentice for the dark humor, dark jokes and the short jokes. Sometimes the fellar that runs this website can get a bit long winded but I ain't gonna hold that against him. My preacher on Sunday gets mighty long winded too and that don't make me stop going to church.

I drive a truck for a living. I like football and beer! I remember the good old days when I was running the football for the Murphy Bulldogs of Murphy NC. There was no shortage of big strong guys piling on top of my back with all their strength. Man those were the days. If only I could go back into them days and introduce my buddies to Mimosas. I can't think of anything more relaxing after a long, hard fought game than a couple of sweet, bubbly drinks for me and all the boys.

I work hard boys, so my flannel shirts and my truck cabin can really take a beating. That's why I'm fortunate to have had my Mammaw teach me how to sew. I'm also fortunate to have Pinterest. I mean, where else could I find such awesome step by step tutorials for stitching patterns into the ceiling of my truck cabin? I made the coolest kaleidoscope lookin' pattern up there. It's an awesome website man. I followed a step by step tutorial for installing light reflectors on my boots. Some people call it bedazzlin' but I see the practical use of the glimmering lights. I tell ya, much as the boys at work may make fun of me, I sure ain't had my toes stepped on recently.

I wish I had me a wife and kids to come home to but that ain't happened yet. I ain't no good with the women. I meet em', take em' to the spa and we get our nails done together. I treat em' to the nicest bottle of sparkling Rose' that I can afford and then they tell me they just want to be "glam fam" with me when I make my move. I still ain't sure what that means, but I won't give up on em'. There's one out there for me just like there is for everyone out there.

So, that's all there is to know about me pretty much. I met this here Comedy Apprentice fellar when I saw him do stand-up at an open mic in a truck stop on the outskirts of Asheville, NC. I tried to buy him a Mimosa but he said he likes Moscow Mules. We drank and hung out for a bit. He thought I would have some funny stories to share with all yall. So I figure I'll write a few up for ya ever now and again. Thankee Comedy Apprentice for takin' me on and thanks to all yall that read this here piece. Take care and be good yall. CD out!