Fairly recently, sometime in mid-February I believe, I had a dream that involved bears. I'll retell it here for the entertainment of the audience. It's not rollickingly funny, but I do think you'll get some amusement out of it by imagining me so scared that I'm nearly shitting my pants through the entire thing. Because that's how I was in the dream even if the tone of the dream wasn't super threatening and scary. In fact, the tone was relatively light-hearted and I was the only one scared.
I'm asleep in my bed at my parent's place. It's the home that I grew up in, in the bed that I slept in for the majority of the time that I lived there. I feel something fury nudging and prodding at me as I sleep. I swat at it over my shoulder thinking all the while that somebody in the family is just fucking with me using a dust buster or something. I get a more forceful nudge in return for my swipe. It's now that I pull the covers back and look into the eyes of a giant black bear that is looming over me. He has both paws on the bed but somehow his weight isn't sagging the bed.
I leap out of bed and start screaming and freaking out but nobody in the house seems to care. I grab my brother's gun and fire several blasts into the bear's face. He doesn't seem fazed or harmed by the attack but decides to just leave the house anyway. He exits out of my bedroom window, which is for some reason wide open. I thought in the dream that he must have been such a smart bear that he knew how to open a window and exploit it's security faults. A very silly concept now that I'm fully awake.
I remember the dream in full because I always put a summary of the dreams that I find to be worth remembering in my phone as soon as I wake up. This way I never forget them and can reference them for posts like this or for interesting conversation with people who do the same thing. I'd recommend it to everyone, recording your dreams that is. I'd have to say that some of the best moments of my life have come while I was asleep. Dreams of experiences that I cannot, nor will not ever have. I'll write more about these experiences in the future. So, if you really like the dreams posts then look forward to some more of them.
Back to the bear dream. I watched the bear that I shot mozy through our front yard until he met up with his numerous cubs and his lady. The mom and the dad bears just laid down in the front yard under the shade while the 5-7 cubs ran around the yard wrestling and playing. I was still panicked from the earlier experience. At this point I'm afraid that the bears will never leave and that we will never be able to leave either. That's so silly! I love it. I don't know why dream me wasn't considering calling the forest cops or whatever they are. The people who arrest bears and then release them in the woods after writing them a ticket or some shit. I can't tell you about that life because I don't know anything about it.
As is just so happens, in the dream my family all got up and got ready for Sunday morning church. I was astounded that they were not worried about the bears. They all got dressed and got in the family car and took off. Before they left, my mother reminded me of some things that I could eat in the fridge if I got hungry before church let out. They just drove around the bears and went to church as if nothing had happened. I didn't tell them that the dad bear was an expert infiltrator and that he had an immunity to bullets.
Eventually, church friends, extended family and neighbors of ours drove around our yard looking at and taking pictures of the bear family. I was yelling at them from the house to be careful and to not get out of their cars but they did anyway. They laughed and carried on and had a great time filming and taking pictures of the bears. They were talking about us never having the bears removed. As long as they aren't hurting anything, why have them moved? I was very anxious and upset in the dream about the nonchalance that everyone showed towards the bears. I was also doubtful that the supernatural bears could be removed from the yard even if we did call someone to do the job.
When I woke up from the dream I recorded it as quickly as I could and laughed at the experience. Once I was awake, I thought the whole thing was pretty funny. At this point, I'm going to do some quick internet research on the topic of bears in dreams and then I'll come back with what I've learned in the following paragraphs. This way, we can know once and for all just what it means when you dream about bears.
Bears are mighty leaders, protective parents and wondering happy hobo rulers of the forest. Having a bear in your dream can mean that you are needing a guide. Maybe your life is too stressful and you need the kind and calm assurance of a bear to lead you out of it. Whether the bear is doing something or sleeping can be a sign that you are pursuing a life goal or resting from it. I think the sleep could be more along the lines of you aren't working on the goal when perhaps you should be. But I suppose it could also be a reminder that you should rest on your way to your goal. In my dream, maybe the bear was waking me up so that I could get back to work on being a better comedian. I write everyday, but maybe I was oversleeping and the bear wanted me to cut that out.
I've also read where it says that having a bear in your dream could be a sign that you are ready to develop into the person that you are supposed to be. Like, having the bear in my dream might be a sign that I'm going to become a great comic over the next few years. I'm not going to bet the house on that one but I will keep working hard so that if it does happen I'll be able to thank the bear.
If the bear is raging in the dream then it means that I'm probably raging in real life and have some personal shit that I need to get sorted. If the bear is asleep then it means that I need to rest and recover. But, my bear woke me up and scared the shit out of me. He was extremely peaceful though, which could mean that I'm prepared and skilled at what I do. There won't be too many situations that I'll encounter that will fuck me up. I hope that's the implication of my dream because I'd love to not get fucked up by unexpected circumstances ever again. Even though doing so is just a part of being alive.
Well, so far I've read several interpretations of violence towards a bear and a bear against you but there aren't any about invincible bears. Fear not about the information that I skip in my "research" I'll be linking to all my sources at the bottom of this post. This way anyone that wants to learn more about a bear in your dream will be able to tread the same mountain path that I took through the internet.
One interpretation of seeing a peaceful bear in your dream is that you are independent and you might see some success in your financial future. Well, that would be awesome. I am pretty damn independent. Encountering a black bear is apparently not that great. If I failed to mention earlier, yes all the bears in my dream were black bears. Seeing a black bear in your dream could mean that you will encounter a terrible situation where you must not run away, but instead hunker down and fight for yourself. To tell you the truth, I do typically hunker down and stick with it in bad situations. I'm not sure if it's wise to do so or not. I do love the challenge of it and what little I've read of Stoic philosophy tells you to just weather the storm and take each day and each moment as one more step that you must take. So, I guess that's what I'll do if I get rich soon, or if I end up in a bad situation soon. Maybe getting rich will be the bad situation!
Apparently, the wealth and prosperity bear dream is only if you see the bear and never interact with him. Mine woke me up and then I shot him in his invincible face. My bear and all the other bears in the dream for that matter were all peaceful. According to another source that means that I'm independent and I can handle myself. I agree with that part of it. I've gone a long way to establish my independence. It might be the most important part of growing up. Do we ever really know someone until they've been on their own? Know the real person deep down in them. Being on your own brings that part out of you and finishes you in a sense. Although I ascribe to the thought that were never finished until were dead. So, if you're on the older side then keep on dreaming and changing, you've surely still got some time left on the clock.
One funny interpretation of the bear dream is that if the bear is in your house then you must have a dominating female presence in your life. I'll just pass that compliment on to my girlfr-...oh yes, there is no woman in my life. Well, I'm not sad about that as much as it's funny to pretend like I am. I have seen what the best women are like and now I know what to hold out for and what to insist on having in my life. I don't know if I believe that I'll ever have a woman like that as my own but I don't really care either. Being a great comic is the sole reason why I breathe. If it pisses you off that I wrote that as though I will own the woman than here is my concession that she will own me too. But you're still a pussy for getting heated about my wording. We all belong to the people we love and to things that we love doing.
Seeing a bear dancing is supposed to indicate that I will need to defend my opinions and beliefs at some point. I hope that I never dream of a dancing bear because the image that my mind has conjured right now is that of the clown from IT dancing when the girl finds him underground I think? It's been a while since I watched that movie but the freaky fucking dancing has stayed with me. So a giant bear dancing like the clown from IT, that's what my brain put together as soon as I read the entry about dancing bears. I'm not sure if that means that I'm a sick fuck or if my brain is fucking sick duuuuude. (GNARLY DUDE).
I learned in therapy that you can interpret your own dreams by assigning values and defining symbols that you find important in the dream. I think it'll be interesting to do that with this dream and then I'll summarize what I've covered in this bear dream, big ass post. In real life, I have experienced devastating bouts of insomnia. Devastating here refers to the stress and pain that it put on my mind and body. I know I've surely mentioned this before, but one of the worst weeks of my life I worked over 60 hours behind the bar and only slept 8 hrs total the entire 7 day period. I only slept 4-5 hours a night for some time after that week was over.
So it's safe to say that I am anxious about not getting sleep. I don't care what people say about sleeping too much, I need my sleep dammit. Having the bear wake me up and scare the shit out of me may have been a way of demonstrating how afraid I am of facing the world when I haven't slept. When I have one of those awesome 2 hour nap nights before a 12 hour work day I am afraid. Afraid that I'll suck at my job and that I'll fuck things up. Afraid that I might fall asleep at the wheel and kill someone or myself in the process. During the periods when I haven't been able to sleep I've experienced hallucinations too. Disturbing shit that's much worse to look at than a family of invincible bears. There are plenty of reasons why I would be afraid of being woken up too soon and not getting enough sleep.
I soon discover in the dream, that not even the most powerful weapon at my disposal can conquer the bear, which is life without proper sleep. The gun could be a symbol for the medications that I take in order to get me to sleep and keep me at a functioning human level of emotion each day. The meds I take are for serotonin levels and sleep. I think it's fair to say that the gun could be my meds. The bear rejoining the family in the yard could symbolize the distance between me and my struggles with facing the world with the unmistakable blood shot eyes and ruffled hair of a person who didn't get any zzz.
The bear rejoins the happy family and leaves me alone because I've conquered that part of me. I take my meds, get my sleep, work my job and write my jokes. I'm doing good, so that's what the bear was telling me. It's good that I'm doing good. Maybe you folks out there in the internet have a different take on this dream. Maybe you found this to be funny, informative or a meandering mix of useless shit. I think if you try hard enough, you could make that the definition of most everything that I write. But I have a great time doing it all the same. ;)
We learned that if you only see a bear in your dream, you're gonna get rich. We learned that black bears might mean you should metaphorically and perhaps literally clinch your asshole for whats coming next. We learned that sometimes having a bear in your dream can mean that you're independent, which is great. I got the chance to practice a valuable skill that I learned in therapy. Hopefully, the way that I did it will help some of you if you need such a thing. I didn't assign values to the end of the dream because I didn't feel compelled to. That's also a part of the skill. If it's not important to you, then you don't need it.
This was a lot of fun to write and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I have. The list of links I used is below. Thanks for reading and I'll see you on the next one, cheers!
Links:
https://dreamingandsleeping.com/dreams-about-bears-interpretation-and-meaning/
https://mydreamsymbolism.com/dreams-about-bears-meaning-and-interpretation/
https://www.healtholino.com/dreams-about-bears-interpretation-and-meaning/
Jokes: 15 Short Jokes Invoking the Character Flaws that Derailed your Political Career
Plenty of dark jokes to be had in this bitch baby. I'm saying in this bitch! baby. With an eerily long pause in between bitch! and baby. I'd never call a baby a bitch if you were wondering. Also, I might have to catch my breath to be able to say the baby part. This is because when I yell bitch, I commit. I want to be the comedian version of the doctor from Mad Max: Fury Road. I think that disgusting freak would love some good dark jokes. Anyway, hears the jokes(;p)
Immature preacher delivers message in toddler tantrum format. (This joke makes good sense if you've ever suffered through the scream fests delivered by some southern baptist preachers. Google it if you don't believe me, it's absurd.)
Playful general never bombs anything important.
Incompetent plumber gives the pipe to everyone but his wife.
Lazy porn addict cured after not being able to pay the internet bill.
I've tried to fall in love with every good woman in town but they don't accept cash.
Lying masochist refuses to tell the doctor where it hurts.
Overconfident cleaning man confused about how replaceable he is.
Pussy ass lazy fuck willing to complain about sore feet but not willing to ice them.
Man at war with his feet gains 200lbs to crush them.
Overambitious campfire looks to eradicate entire forest.
Practical stunt man sells insurance on the side.
Prideful sadist gave himself up via social media posts from his dungeon.
Seductive truck driver bangs prostitutes for free...at gun point.
Senile 19 year old only able to smoke pot and "totally chill."
Softhearted tyrant in favor of selective slaughter and subjugation as opposed to reckless total annihilation.
There is a bit of dark humor in this post. Quite a bit actually, now that I've proofread it. The most dark joke being the one about the "seductive trucker" lol. I love that joke, it's probably my favorite on the list. Not because I hate women... but it doesn't hurt to be honest. Just kidding obviously. Are there any liberals reading this that can make a literal interpretation of these posts and then cry about it publicly?
Also, are there any know it all conservative cunts that can call the liberals wusses but then tell the public that my writing is not on the same level as a comedian that they've been paid to endorse? Fucking gutless sellouts. Yeah, both sides can fuck off. But by fuck off I mean argue about me so that I can get some free marketing. Anyway, that's all the dark jokes I can muster for now. See you on the next one, cheers!
Immature preacher delivers message in toddler tantrum format. (This joke makes good sense if you've ever suffered through the scream fests delivered by some southern baptist preachers. Google it if you don't believe me, it's absurd.)
Playful general never bombs anything important.
Incompetent plumber gives the pipe to everyone but his wife.
Lazy porn addict cured after not being able to pay the internet bill.
I've tried to fall in love with every good woman in town but they don't accept cash.
Lying masochist refuses to tell the doctor where it hurts.
Overconfident cleaning man confused about how replaceable he is.
Pussy ass lazy fuck willing to complain about sore feet but not willing to ice them.
Man at war with his feet gains 200lbs to crush them.
Overambitious campfire looks to eradicate entire forest.
Practical stunt man sells insurance on the side.
Prideful sadist gave himself up via social media posts from his dungeon.
Seductive truck driver bangs prostitutes for free...at gun point.
Senile 19 year old only able to smoke pot and "totally chill."
Softhearted tyrant in favor of selective slaughter and subjugation as opposed to reckless total annihilation.
There is a bit of dark humor in this post. Quite a bit actually, now that I've proofread it. The most dark joke being the one about the "seductive trucker" lol. I love that joke, it's probably my favorite on the list. Not because I hate women... but it doesn't hurt to be honest. Just kidding obviously. Are there any liberals reading this that can make a literal interpretation of these posts and then cry about it publicly?
Also, are there any know it all conservative cunts that can call the liberals wusses but then tell the public that my writing is not on the same level as a comedian that they've been paid to endorse? Fucking gutless sellouts. Yeah, both sides can fuck off. But by fuck off I mean argue about me so that I can get some free marketing. Anyway, that's all the dark jokes I can muster for now. See you on the next one, cheers!
Jokes: 11 Dark Jokes That Make the Sun Smile and the Moon Beam
Conservatives bare all in nude political discussion.
Clairvoyant junkie prefers moral high ground.
Renown tough guy let's wife violently peg him to prove his toughness once and for all.
Arrogant dish washer humiliated by the superior cleaning of a dish washing machine.
Big mouth cross dresser popular at the opera.
Dependent man baby looking for a wife to permanently role play as his mother.
Naive cunt looking for a sap to spill in her tree. Also, to pay for everything.
Deranged taxi driver willing to risk death to get you to your routine check-up on time.
Eccentric artist never practices, produces or improves. She does do drugs, owe 60k in student loans and hates the white man more than the grandparents of today's Native Americans.
One idealistic engineer believes that his city plans will prevent traffic jams, even in the event of a terrorist attack.
Illiterate president elected to king of rock and fire after decades of threatening nuclear war.
This bit of writing has more dark jokes than a lot of the other posts I've been doing. I'm not sure what makes me what to write dark jokes on one day versus another. The day of this writing was beautiful and I was really excited about a gluten free strawberry protein mix I was trying out. Fucking phenomenal. The protein mixes with the gluten in them are so damn thick it's like trying to drink chocolate gravy out of a water bottle. Disgusting. Anyway, hope these dark jokes got you a couple laughs and I'll see you on the next one, cheers!
Clairvoyant junkie prefers moral high ground.
Renown tough guy let's wife violently peg him to prove his toughness once and for all.
Arrogant dish washer humiliated by the superior cleaning of a dish washing machine.
Big mouth cross dresser popular at the opera.
Dependent man baby looking for a wife to permanently role play as his mother.
Naive cunt looking for a sap to spill in her tree. Also, to pay for everything.
Deranged taxi driver willing to risk death to get you to your routine check-up on time.
Eccentric artist never practices, produces or improves. She does do drugs, owe 60k in student loans and hates the white man more than the grandparents of today's Native Americans.
One idealistic engineer believes that his city plans will prevent traffic jams, even in the event of a terrorist attack.
Illiterate president elected to king of rock and fire after decades of threatening nuclear war.
This bit of writing has more dark jokes than a lot of the other posts I've been doing. I'm not sure what makes me what to write dark jokes on one day versus another. The day of this writing was beautiful and I was really excited about a gluten free strawberry protein mix I was trying out. Fucking phenomenal. The protein mixes with the gluten in them are so damn thick it's like trying to drink chocolate gravy out of a water bottle. Disgusting. Anyway, hope these dark jokes got you a couple laughs and I'll see you on the next one, cheers!
Jokes: 10 Glimmering Short Jokes that Unveil the Duality of Man
Gruff super model cornering the market of bearded lady fashion.
Hedonistic principle smoking all the cigarettes he confiscates.
Visionary 2 year old philosopher tears the pages out of modern philosophy book.
Incompetent waitress asks table if they can read her writing.
Infamous diabetic known mostly for his raps, has the biggest fan base of white college students of any artist.
Intolerant host now hosting party for none, depression for one.
Naive kitchen staff thinks someone gives a fuck that they aren't serving breakfast right now.
Nobody knows what the truly obsessive bartender's drinks taste like because he always gives up and starts over.
Megalomaniac bus driver believes one day he'll own all the pocket change.
Heart-warming love story ends with marriage for 2 porn site commenters.
Hedonistic principle smoking all the cigarettes he confiscates.
Visionary 2 year old philosopher tears the pages out of modern philosophy book.
Incompetent waitress asks table if they can read her writing.
Infamous diabetic known mostly for his raps, has the biggest fan base of white college students of any artist.
Intolerant host now hosting party for none, depression for one.
Naive kitchen staff thinks someone gives a fuck that they aren't serving breakfast right now.
Nobody knows what the truly obsessive bartender's drinks taste like because he always gives up and starts over.
Megalomaniac bus driver believes one day he'll own all the pocket change.
Heart-warming love story ends with marriage for 2 porn site commenters.
Jokes: 8 Sketchy Dark Jokes From a Guy Who Doesn't Draw
Lung cancer patient addicted to coughing, not cigarettes.
I have hurt myself while drinking alcohol but only because it makes me want to run on the treadmill...obviously, without the safety belt.
Audacious southern preacher claims swearing to be a first class ticket to Hell while also ruining his congregation by instigating petty squabbles.
Bigoted liberal insists on destroying poor neighborhoods with handouts instead of advocating increases in education funding.
Selfish conservative doesn't care enough to notice poor neighborhood or maniacal bigoted liberal.
Wrote those last two jokes because a deranged anarchist picked the lock on my front door.
To be honest, the deranged anarchist is probably just me but in a delusion. To be clear, I do hate both sides of the political isle. So, both of you can find unity in hating me back. I could give a fuck less. Plus, it's what our first president would have wanted. The unity part, not the hating of a comedian.
Two good friends of mine have taken up smoking and I can't figure out why. When I want to kill myself I Google "Cliffs near me" because, why not make it quick? Smoking and cancer takes forever and really, really hurts. Shooting over the railing at 99 miles per hour and crashing in catastrophic fashion at the bottom of a ravine only hurts once and not for very long.
That was 8 Sketchy Dark Jokes From a Guy Who Doesn't Draw. I used to draw and maybe I should again. It is great for stress relief. Though, so is writing dark jokes. Two of my friends are having a drawing contest challenge thing. It's been great to watch because one of them is discovering a new passion and the other one is demonstrating step-by-step how to half ass something that is supposedly your passion. Maybe that should be in my next The Answers post. Those things take time, so don't expect it soon. Anyway, thanks for reading and cheers!
I have hurt myself while drinking alcohol but only because it makes me want to run on the treadmill...obviously, without the safety belt.
Audacious southern preacher claims swearing to be a first class ticket to Hell while also ruining his congregation by instigating petty squabbles.
Bigoted liberal insists on destroying poor neighborhoods with handouts instead of advocating increases in education funding.
Selfish conservative doesn't care enough to notice poor neighborhood or maniacal bigoted liberal.
Wrote those last two jokes because a deranged anarchist picked the lock on my front door.
To be honest, the deranged anarchist is probably just me but in a delusion. To be clear, I do hate both sides of the political isle. So, both of you can find unity in hating me back. I could give a fuck less. Plus, it's what our first president would have wanted. The unity part, not the hating of a comedian.
Two good friends of mine have taken up smoking and I can't figure out why. When I want to kill myself I Google "Cliffs near me" because, why not make it quick? Smoking and cancer takes forever and really, really hurts. Shooting over the railing at 99 miles per hour and crashing in catastrophic fashion at the bottom of a ravine only hurts once and not for very long.
That was 8 Sketchy Dark Jokes From a Guy Who Doesn't Draw. I used to draw and maybe I should again. It is great for stress relief. Though, so is writing dark jokes. Two of my friends are having a drawing contest challenge thing. It's been great to watch because one of them is discovering a new passion and the other one is demonstrating step-by-step how to half ass something that is supposedly your passion. Maybe that should be in my next The Answers post. Those things take time, so don't expect it soon. Anyway, thanks for reading and cheers!
Jokes: 12 Short Jokes Detailing the Flaws we all Love
Practical serial killer waiting for victims to die down. Prefers pushing them off ledges.
Rebellious student expelled for going to the bathroom without permission.
On second thought, that last joke probably has happened many times. God I hated school.
Sadistic husband rips flowers from their roots and ties them together before half drowning them and giving them to his co-conspiring wife.
Soft-hearted general only seeking to annihilate every able bodied man among the enemy, no women, children or the elderly.
Solemn cheerleader only believes in doing her D.U.T.Y.
Theatrical custodian paying his way through art school always said "It's never too late to paint a different picture." Unfortunately slipped and fell down 7 flights of stairs while dancing to the beat of his own symphony.
Weak willed steroid abuser unwilling to amputate his own nutsack for doctor prescribed testosterone. Coach demands "A much higher level of commitment."
Unlucky gambler only able to win the lottery one time after many, many attempts.
Trouble making doctor always looking for something to go wrong.
Timid New York driver only honking 5 times per minute.
Impatient martyr self immolates in too much of a hurry to get to Hell.
That was 12 Short Jokes Detailing the Flaws we all Love. Some of them were dark jokes and some of them weren't really dark at all. So, depending on what you've come to expect from my content, perhaps this could have been much darker. Or, maybe you'd prefer less dark humor. Let me know in the comments and don't forget to share this on social media. Thanks for reading, cheers!
Rebellious student expelled for going to the bathroom without permission.
On second thought, that last joke probably has happened many times. God I hated school.
Sadistic husband rips flowers from their roots and ties them together before half drowning them and giving them to his co-conspiring wife.
Soft-hearted general only seeking to annihilate every able bodied man among the enemy, no women, children or the elderly.
Solemn cheerleader only believes in doing her D.U.T.Y.
Theatrical custodian paying his way through art school always said "It's never too late to paint a different picture." Unfortunately slipped and fell down 7 flights of stairs while dancing to the beat of his own symphony.
Weak willed steroid abuser unwilling to amputate his own nutsack for doctor prescribed testosterone. Coach demands "A much higher level of commitment."
Unlucky gambler only able to win the lottery one time after many, many attempts.
Trouble making doctor always looking for something to go wrong.
Timid New York driver only honking 5 times per minute.
Impatient martyr self immolates in too much of a hurry to get to Hell.
That was 12 Short Jokes Detailing the Flaws we all Love. Some of them were dark jokes and some of them weren't really dark at all. So, depending on what you've come to expect from my content, perhaps this could have been much darker. Or, maybe you'd prefer less dark humor. Let me know in the comments and don't forget to share this on social media. Thanks for reading, cheers!
Jokes: 11 Short Jokes Detailing our Modern World
Cruel preacher continues speaking for a living in spite of grating voice. Similar to the Inquisition, believes he is doing God's work.
Childish president dependent on drama for survival, brings to mind high school cheerleaders.
Deranged man frantically posting politically charged Facebook posts believes someone is actually reading them.
Egotistical garbage man confused about the nature of his work.
Fanatical blogger desperately trying to impress strangers with middle school writing skills.
I'll leave room for all of you in the comments below to claim that the last joke was about me. ;)
Fearsome competitors prepare themselves for National Milk Chugging Contest this Thursday at 2pm.
Flirty Hell's Angel retires from crime to start a baking business. Thinks it will help him to "Meet gu-chicks... I mean, tons of bitches."
Hoity-toity judge leaving courtroom unsure of verdicts. Says justice is "More about the journey and not the destination."
Illiterate mayor elected after decades of school budget cuts.
Judgmental bartender now finding work as dishwasher.
So that's 11 short jokes detailing our modern world. Tell me below how much I missed the mark on this post or share it on social media and tell everyone you know how much I missed the mark! Then you would look super smart and you'd definitely be making a difference in the world. After all, we all know that real heroes post shit on Facebook.
Childish president dependent on drama for survival, brings to mind high school cheerleaders.
Deranged man frantically posting politically charged Facebook posts believes someone is actually reading them.
Egotistical garbage man confused about the nature of his work.
Fanatical blogger desperately trying to impress strangers with middle school writing skills.
I'll leave room for all of you in the comments below to claim that the last joke was about me. ;)
Fearsome competitors prepare themselves for National Milk Chugging Contest this Thursday at 2pm.
Flirty Hell's Angel retires from crime to start a baking business. Thinks it will help him to "Meet gu-chicks... I mean, tons of bitches."
Hoity-toity judge leaving courtroom unsure of verdicts. Says justice is "More about the journey and not the destination."
Illiterate mayor elected after decades of school budget cuts.
Judgmental bartender now finding work as dishwasher.
So that's 11 short jokes detailing our modern world. Tell me below how much I missed the mark on this post or share it on social media and tell everyone you know how much I missed the mark! Then you would look super smart and you'd definitely be making a difference in the world. After all, we all know that real heroes post shit on Facebook.
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