Plenty of dark jokes to be had in this bitch baby. I'm saying in this bitch! baby. With an eerily long pause in between bitch! and baby. I'd never call a baby a bitch if you were wondering. Also, I might have to catch my breath to be able to say the baby part. This is because when I yell bitch, I commit. I want to be the comedian version of the doctor from Mad Max: Fury Road. I think that disgusting freak would love some good dark jokes. Anyway, hears the jokes(;p)
Immature preacher delivers message in toddler tantrum format. (This joke makes good sense if you've ever suffered through the scream fests delivered by some southern baptist preachers. Google it if you don't believe me, it's absurd.)
Playful general never bombs anything important.
Incompetent plumber gives the pipe to everyone but his wife.
Lazy porn addict cured after not being able to pay the internet bill.
I've tried to fall in love with every good woman in town but they don't accept cash.
Lying masochist refuses to tell the doctor where it hurts.
Overconfident cleaning man confused about how replaceable he is.
Pussy ass lazy fuck willing to complain about sore feet but not willing to ice them.
Man at war with his feet gains 200lbs to crush them.
Overambitious campfire looks to eradicate entire forest.
Practical stunt man sells insurance on the side.
Prideful sadist gave himself up via social media posts from his dungeon.
Seductive truck driver bangs prostitutes for free...at gun point.
Senile 19 year old only able to smoke pot and "totally chill."
Softhearted tyrant in favor of selective slaughter and subjugation as opposed to reckless total annihilation.
There is a bit of dark humor in this post. Quite a bit actually, now that I've proofread it. The most dark joke being the one about the "seductive trucker" lol. I love that joke, it's probably my favorite on the list. Not because I hate women... but it doesn't hurt to be honest. Just kidding obviously. Are there any liberals reading this that can make a literal interpretation of these posts and then cry about it publicly?
Also, are there any know it all conservative cunts that can call the liberals wusses but then tell the public that my writing is not on the same level as a comedian that they've been paid to endorse? Fucking gutless sellouts. Yeah, both sides can fuck off. But by fuck off I mean argue about me so that I can get some free marketing. Anyway, that's all the dark jokes I can muster for now. See you on the next one, cheers!
Jokes: 11 Dark Jokes That Make the Sun Smile and the Moon Beam
Conservatives bare all in nude political discussion.
Clairvoyant junkie prefers moral high ground.
Renown tough guy let's wife violently peg him to prove his toughness once and for all.
Arrogant dish washer humiliated by the superior cleaning of a dish washing machine.
Big mouth cross dresser popular at the opera.
Dependent man baby looking for a wife to permanently role play as his mother.
Naive cunt looking for a sap to spill in her tree. Also, to pay for everything.
Deranged taxi driver willing to risk death to get you to your routine check-up on time.
Eccentric artist never practices, produces or improves. She does do drugs, owe 60k in student loans and hates the white man more than the grandparents of today's Native Americans.
One idealistic engineer believes that his city plans will prevent traffic jams, even in the event of a terrorist attack.
Illiterate president elected to king of rock and fire after decades of threatening nuclear war.
This bit of writing has more dark jokes than a lot of the other posts I've been doing. I'm not sure what makes me what to write dark jokes on one day versus another. The day of this writing was beautiful and I was really excited about a gluten free strawberry protein mix I was trying out. Fucking phenomenal. The protein mixes with the gluten in them are so damn thick it's like trying to drink chocolate gravy out of a water bottle. Disgusting. Anyway, hope these dark jokes got you a couple laughs and I'll see you on the next one, cheers!
Clairvoyant junkie prefers moral high ground.
Renown tough guy let's wife violently peg him to prove his toughness once and for all.
Arrogant dish washer humiliated by the superior cleaning of a dish washing machine.
Big mouth cross dresser popular at the opera.
Dependent man baby looking for a wife to permanently role play as his mother.
Naive cunt looking for a sap to spill in her tree. Also, to pay for everything.
Deranged taxi driver willing to risk death to get you to your routine check-up on time.
Eccentric artist never practices, produces or improves. She does do drugs, owe 60k in student loans and hates the white man more than the grandparents of today's Native Americans.
One idealistic engineer believes that his city plans will prevent traffic jams, even in the event of a terrorist attack.
Illiterate president elected to king of rock and fire after decades of threatening nuclear war.
This bit of writing has more dark jokes than a lot of the other posts I've been doing. I'm not sure what makes me what to write dark jokes on one day versus another. The day of this writing was beautiful and I was really excited about a gluten free strawberry protein mix I was trying out. Fucking phenomenal. The protein mixes with the gluten in them are so damn thick it's like trying to drink chocolate gravy out of a water bottle. Disgusting. Anyway, hope these dark jokes got you a couple laughs and I'll see you on the next one, cheers!
Jokes: 10 Glimmering Short Jokes that Unveil the Duality of Man
Gruff super model cornering the market of bearded lady fashion.
Hedonistic principle smoking all the cigarettes he confiscates.
Visionary 2 year old philosopher tears the pages out of modern philosophy book.
Incompetent waitress asks table if they can read her writing.
Infamous diabetic known mostly for his raps, has the biggest fan base of white college students of any artist.
Intolerant host now hosting party for none, depression for one.
Naive kitchen staff thinks someone gives a fuck that they aren't serving breakfast right now.
Nobody knows what the truly obsessive bartender's drinks taste like because he always gives up and starts over.
Megalomaniac bus driver believes one day he'll own all the pocket change.
Heart-warming love story ends with marriage for 2 porn site commenters.
Hedonistic principle smoking all the cigarettes he confiscates.
Visionary 2 year old philosopher tears the pages out of modern philosophy book.
Incompetent waitress asks table if they can read her writing.
Infamous diabetic known mostly for his raps, has the biggest fan base of white college students of any artist.
Intolerant host now hosting party for none, depression for one.
Naive kitchen staff thinks someone gives a fuck that they aren't serving breakfast right now.
Nobody knows what the truly obsessive bartender's drinks taste like because he always gives up and starts over.
Megalomaniac bus driver believes one day he'll own all the pocket change.
Heart-warming love story ends with marriage for 2 porn site commenters.
Jokes: 8 Sketchy Dark Jokes From a Guy Who Doesn't Draw
Lung cancer patient addicted to coughing, not cigarettes.
I have hurt myself while drinking alcohol but only because it makes me want to run on the treadmill...obviously, without the safety belt.
Audacious southern preacher claims swearing to be a first class ticket to Hell while also ruining his congregation by instigating petty squabbles.
Bigoted liberal insists on destroying poor neighborhoods with handouts instead of advocating increases in education funding.
Selfish conservative doesn't care enough to notice poor neighborhood or maniacal bigoted liberal.
Wrote those last two jokes because a deranged anarchist picked the lock on my front door.
To be honest, the deranged anarchist is probably just me but in a delusion. To be clear, I do hate both sides of the political isle. So, both of you can find unity in hating me back. I could give a fuck less. Plus, it's what our first president would have wanted. The unity part, not the hating of a comedian.
Two good friends of mine have taken up smoking and I can't figure out why. When I want to kill myself I Google "Cliffs near me" because, why not make it quick? Smoking and cancer takes forever and really, really hurts. Shooting over the railing at 99 miles per hour and crashing in catastrophic fashion at the bottom of a ravine only hurts once and not for very long.
That was 8 Sketchy Dark Jokes From a Guy Who Doesn't Draw. I used to draw and maybe I should again. It is great for stress relief. Though, so is writing dark jokes. Two of my friends are having a drawing contest challenge thing. It's been great to watch because one of them is discovering a new passion and the other one is demonstrating step-by-step how to half ass something that is supposedly your passion. Maybe that should be in my next The Answers post. Those things take time, so don't expect it soon. Anyway, thanks for reading and cheers!
I have hurt myself while drinking alcohol but only because it makes me want to run on the treadmill...obviously, without the safety belt.
Audacious southern preacher claims swearing to be a first class ticket to Hell while also ruining his congregation by instigating petty squabbles.
Bigoted liberal insists on destroying poor neighborhoods with handouts instead of advocating increases in education funding.
Selfish conservative doesn't care enough to notice poor neighborhood or maniacal bigoted liberal.
Wrote those last two jokes because a deranged anarchist picked the lock on my front door.
To be honest, the deranged anarchist is probably just me but in a delusion. To be clear, I do hate both sides of the political isle. So, both of you can find unity in hating me back. I could give a fuck less. Plus, it's what our first president would have wanted. The unity part, not the hating of a comedian.
Two good friends of mine have taken up smoking and I can't figure out why. When I want to kill myself I Google "Cliffs near me" because, why not make it quick? Smoking and cancer takes forever and really, really hurts. Shooting over the railing at 99 miles per hour and crashing in catastrophic fashion at the bottom of a ravine only hurts once and not for very long.
That was 8 Sketchy Dark Jokes From a Guy Who Doesn't Draw. I used to draw and maybe I should again. It is great for stress relief. Though, so is writing dark jokes. Two of my friends are having a drawing contest challenge thing. It's been great to watch because one of them is discovering a new passion and the other one is demonstrating step-by-step how to half ass something that is supposedly your passion. Maybe that should be in my next The Answers post. Those things take time, so don't expect it soon. Anyway, thanks for reading and cheers!
Jokes: 12 Short Jokes Detailing the Flaws we all Love
Practical serial killer waiting for victims to die down. Prefers pushing them off ledges.
Rebellious student expelled for going to the bathroom without permission.
On second thought, that last joke probably has happened many times. God I hated school.
Sadistic husband rips flowers from their roots and ties them together before half drowning them and giving them to his co-conspiring wife.
Soft-hearted general only seeking to annihilate every able bodied man among the enemy, no women, children or the elderly.
Solemn cheerleader only believes in doing her D.U.T.Y.
Theatrical custodian paying his way through art school always said "It's never too late to paint a different picture." Unfortunately slipped and fell down 7 flights of stairs while dancing to the beat of his own symphony.
Weak willed steroid abuser unwilling to amputate his own nutsack for doctor prescribed testosterone. Coach demands "A much higher level of commitment."
Unlucky gambler only able to win the lottery one time after many, many attempts.
Trouble making doctor always looking for something to go wrong.
Timid New York driver only honking 5 times per minute.
Impatient martyr self immolates in too much of a hurry to get to Hell.
That was 12 Short Jokes Detailing the Flaws we all Love. Some of them were dark jokes and some of them weren't really dark at all. So, depending on what you've come to expect from my content, perhaps this could have been much darker. Or, maybe you'd prefer less dark humor. Let me know in the comments and don't forget to share this on social media. Thanks for reading, cheers!
Rebellious student expelled for going to the bathroom without permission.
On second thought, that last joke probably has happened many times. God I hated school.
Sadistic husband rips flowers from their roots and ties them together before half drowning them and giving them to his co-conspiring wife.
Soft-hearted general only seeking to annihilate every able bodied man among the enemy, no women, children or the elderly.
Solemn cheerleader only believes in doing her D.U.T.Y.
Theatrical custodian paying his way through art school always said "It's never too late to paint a different picture." Unfortunately slipped and fell down 7 flights of stairs while dancing to the beat of his own symphony.
Weak willed steroid abuser unwilling to amputate his own nutsack for doctor prescribed testosterone. Coach demands "A much higher level of commitment."
Unlucky gambler only able to win the lottery one time after many, many attempts.
Trouble making doctor always looking for something to go wrong.
Timid New York driver only honking 5 times per minute.
Impatient martyr self immolates in too much of a hurry to get to Hell.
That was 12 Short Jokes Detailing the Flaws we all Love. Some of them were dark jokes and some of them weren't really dark at all. So, depending on what you've come to expect from my content, perhaps this could have been much darker. Or, maybe you'd prefer less dark humor. Let me know in the comments and don't forget to share this on social media. Thanks for reading, cheers!
Jokes: 11 Short Jokes Detailing our Modern World
Cruel preacher continues speaking for a living in spite of grating voice. Similar to the Inquisition, believes he is doing God's work.
Childish president dependent on drama for survival, brings to mind high school cheerleaders.
Deranged man frantically posting politically charged Facebook posts believes someone is actually reading them.
Egotistical garbage man confused about the nature of his work.
Fanatical blogger desperately trying to impress strangers with middle school writing skills.
I'll leave room for all of you in the comments below to claim that the last joke was about me. ;)
Fearsome competitors prepare themselves for National Milk Chugging Contest this Thursday at 2pm.
Flirty Hell's Angel retires from crime to start a baking business. Thinks it will help him to "Meet gu-chicks... I mean, tons of bitches."
Hoity-toity judge leaving courtroom unsure of verdicts. Says justice is "More about the journey and not the destination."
Illiterate mayor elected after decades of school budget cuts.
Judgmental bartender now finding work as dishwasher.
So that's 11 short jokes detailing our modern world. Tell me below how much I missed the mark on this post or share it on social media and tell everyone you know how much I missed the mark! Then you would look super smart and you'd definitely be making a difference in the world. After all, we all know that real heroes post shit on Facebook.
Childish president dependent on drama for survival, brings to mind high school cheerleaders.
Deranged man frantically posting politically charged Facebook posts believes someone is actually reading them.
Egotistical garbage man confused about the nature of his work.
Fanatical blogger desperately trying to impress strangers with middle school writing skills.
I'll leave room for all of you in the comments below to claim that the last joke was about me. ;)
Fearsome competitors prepare themselves for National Milk Chugging Contest this Thursday at 2pm.
Flirty Hell's Angel retires from crime to start a baking business. Thinks it will help him to "Meet gu-chicks... I mean, tons of bitches."
Hoity-toity judge leaving courtroom unsure of verdicts. Says justice is "More about the journey and not the destination."
Illiterate mayor elected after decades of school budget cuts.
Judgmental bartender now finding work as dishwasher.
So that's 11 short jokes detailing our modern world. Tell me below how much I missed the mark on this post or share it on social media and tell everyone you know how much I missed the mark! Then you would look super smart and you'd definitely be making a difference in the world. After all, we all know that real heroes post shit on Facebook.
Jokes: 12 Short Jokes That I Wrote with my Mama
Experts afraid to raise the original Titanic as it might offend Poseidon.
Paramedic turned drug dealer excellent at reviving clientele.
Drunken preacher prone to shouting in pulpit and the bar.
Lying electrician shocked at false voltage reading.
Lazy cleaning man washed away in a sea of filth.
Blunt sword only effective in stabbing feelings.
Selfish nun wants all the blessings to herself.
Lazy ant ostracized after proving to be the rich white kid of the group.
Shallow monk only concerned with covering bald spot.
Absent-minded astronaut ends up high, but not in space.
Abusive psychiatrist always bringing shit up.
Aimless sniper always missing the mark, blames falsehoods of reality.
This is a list of 12 short jokes that I wrote with the help of my Mama. She doesn't want writing credits because she thinks these jokes are mean. LOL
Paramedic turned drug dealer excellent at reviving clientele.
Drunken preacher prone to shouting in pulpit and the bar.
Lying electrician shocked at false voltage reading.
Lazy cleaning man washed away in a sea of filth.
Blunt sword only effective in stabbing feelings.
Selfish nun wants all the blessings to herself.
Lazy ant ostracized after proving to be the rich white kid of the group.
Shallow monk only concerned with covering bald spot.
Absent-minded astronaut ends up high, but not in space.
Abusive psychiatrist always bringing shit up.
Aimless sniper always missing the mark, blames falsehoods of reality.
This is a list of 12 short jokes that I wrote with the help of my Mama. She doesn't want writing credits because she thinks these jokes are mean. LOL
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